The box or scooters themselves were assisting him in navigating the treacherous terrain, responding swiftly as he turned the handles left or right to avoid some obstacle or another. They also sped up and slowed down where it was necessary, their bulging eyes clearly still able to see what was ahead despite the torture they had undergone.
The bike itself, if you could call it that, moved like one of those electric scooters you get in the city. Except instead of being relatively quiet, the hybrid's engine roared and sputtered, spewing smoke from an exhaust pipe at the rear of the unit. It made no sense at all. Pete couldn’t even see where the engine was in this thing, which meant that it had to have been built into the human victim’s body. You could see evidence of pipes and metal components jutting out of the human form ahead of him, and the body of the vehicle sputtered as though there was an engine inside there somewhere, but it still seemed as though the human form wasn’t large enough to hold an engine capable of spewing that much smoke.
>> VEHICLE HANDLING + 1
Pete looked behind now and then to check whether the Noob Riders were following, but it seemed as though they had chosen not to pursue. They continued driving, neither he nor Sam wanting to chance slowing down until it was clear they weren’t in danger.
[Pete] Looks like they’re not following.
[Sam] Yeah, but we should keep riding for a while, right? Put some distance between us?
[Pete] Right.
[Sam] Shit! I just realized we left the Tongsly Belch robot behind. The damned thing is probably shot to hell or lying in pieces somewhere back there.
A troubling thought occurred to Pete.
[Pete] Nero, are we gonna get in the shit for that? For, I dunno, defacing Belch’s image or whatever?
[Nero] I would suggest that punishment would have already been announced by the System if that was the case.
[Sam] Okay. But we still need to do the plan, right? We need to draw the storm away, and that means we need that robot, or something that will do the same job. The map is showing Coin Lord Grindle and about fifty of those damned Noob Riders camped around our truck, or what’s left of it.
[Nero] It may be that they have discovered the robotic form and suspect we will come back for it. Or they were sent specifically by the System, and it has instructed them to stick by the image of Tongsly Belch.
Sam slowed her vehicle, and Pete followed her lead as they both turned around and faced behind, stopping their hybrids.
“So, we have to use that robot then?” Pete asked. “We can’t just make something else and try the same trick?”
>> QUEST UPDATE: Distract the Coinflayer!
So you’ve lost your Tongsly Belch storm lure. No sweat; it happens to the best of us. Actually, the best of us hardly ever misplace quest-critical items and tend not to blunder into unplanned skirmishes with a pack of roving Noob Riders, but you’re hardly the best, so what does it matter?!
Find a way to recover the Tongsly Belch storm lure your Burrower friends so thoughtfully put together for you and complete your quest. Otherwise…it gets the hose again!
By which I mean fail, and you’ll all be erased.
QUEST REWARD: 5 Core Attribute Points.
ADDITIONAL REWARD: The knowledge that you’re not a complete screw-up!
“Shit!” Pete said. “I guess that’s our answer then. We don’t have another choice.”
Sam shook her head. “You saw those odds though, right? We go back now, and we’re screwed.”
Pete nodded. She had a point. “Nero, I’m guessing if we got more core attribute points we’d be in better shape to fight this boss guy, right?”
[Nero] Correct. To face an enemy of this level, I would suggest that both of you have at least fifty Core Attribute points each. Ordinarily, facing a boss like this would require at least three players; however, given your summoner class, Sam, and the fact that the Coop’s tank abilities could be significantly bolstered, you may be able to defeat the boss, provided you target the right areas for improvement.
“We need to farm our points then,” Pete said. “But as far as I can see, we only get points for completing quests, not just killing random mobs.”
[Nero] Correct. At higher levels, you will find that Core Attribute Points may be awarded for killing certain high-level enemies, but while you are at Novice level, the primary mechanism to do this is completing quests or gaining achievements. You should note that it is also easier to acquire achievements while you are at lower levels, so perhaps this should be your primary focus. It may also assist in raising your popularity levels.
“Okay then,” Sam said. “What’s the best way to rack up achievements?”
[Nero] Achievements tend to relate to one of two primary factors: the first time you accomplish some novel or interesting feat, and actions that could be viewed as extraordinary or interesting to viewers.
“Trick shots,” Pete said, nodding. “Like killing a bunch of goblins in some weird way or falling from incredibly high up without dying.”
[Nero] Precisely. The more spectacular, the more likely there are to be Core Attribute Points awarded. They tend to also skew heavily towards combat-based achievements. The first time you do something slightly interesting is less likely to award points, however.
Sam brought up the Novice Area map, and it hovered in the air between them. Coop squinted from her place on Pete’s shoulder as they examined the area.
“What we need is a group of low-level enemies we can take out pretty easily,” Pete suggested. “Then we need to think of some interesting ways to clear them out.”
“Murder them, you mean,” Coop said. “Let’s not beat around the bush, son. You’re talking about finding a bunch of little green men and killing them all.”
Pete felt a stab of guilt at her words. He knew killing was part of their struggle for survival and, if he didn’t kill the enemy, he and humanity more broadly were at risk, but Coop’s use of the word murder still stung. He’d always considered himself a good man, a man who would choose to do the right thing when faced with a tricky choice.
He wasn’t a murderer. And yet…he sure as hell had killed a lot of goblins since this whole mad contest had started.
“You think we should make peace instead?” Sam said, leering over at the ferret. “Tie daisies in a chain and try to talk the little green bastards down? Should we start wearing white robes like those Pious Path cultists?”
“Hell no!” Coop spat back. “I’m just saying, if we’re gonna do this, let’s damned well do it. Let’s murder the little green bastards! Paint the streets with their green blood!”
Sam chuckled in response, turning her attention back to the map while Pete wondered what had happened to the nice old lady who used to chirp at him from across the street. Then again, how well did he really know Coop? How well did he know Sam, for that matter? They could both be closet psychos with a bunch of bodies buried in their backyards.
“Hey!” Sam said, clicking her fingers in front of his face. “Where are you right now?”
He shook his head, trying to dismiss the image in his mind of old Mrs. Cooper kicking a body into a shallow grave just in front of her roses.
“Sorry, just lost in thought.”
She pointed to an area of the map just to the south of their location. There was a cluster of red dots in an area of the map with large rectangular blocks arranged in a rough ‘c’ shape.
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“You know where this is?”
He nodded. “Arndale Mall,” he confirmed. “A bunch of different stores.”
“And goblins, it looks like,” Coop added.
Sam nodded. “Nero, is there any way to tell what level these enemies are?”
[Nero] Not strictly, no. Levels may become more clearly apparent once you have made it past the Novice Arena, depending on how the Mammon System approaches the game this season. In past instances, players and NPCs have worn their levels on their garments or had floating indicators above their heads. So far, though, it seems that the System has chosen to keep this information hidden until the last moment. Even in the case of this Coin Lord Grindle, the System has been fairly vague as to the enemy’s actual level.
“So, we’re basically going into every fight without really knowing what we’re facing,” Pete said.
[Nero] Precisely. I assume that the System has chosen to structure the game in this way to make matters a little more exciting. It may be, however, that those observing the games from the outside can see a clearer picture of exactly what level each creature and enemy is.
“Right,” Pete said, shaking his head. “I keep forgetting that there are millions of people watching this shit! All betting on our misery and making money off torture and death.”
He motioned to the hybrid vehicle he stood on. Its engine revved in response, perhaps in agreement or simply as part of its bizarre nature.
Sam nodded. “The harder the System makes it, the more interesting it probably is to watch. We have to get used to the fact that our lives are basically entertainment now.”
Pete looked over at the young woman, noticing that, somewhere in the previous fight, she’d managed to recover her trucker’s cap from the pickup truck wreckage. It sat a little crookedly on her head, and there was a single Belch Buck wedged into the left side of the beak, which Sam had apparently decided to leave in place. The hint of golden curls still showed around the side of her head, poking out from the hat and tickling her ears, while the bulk of it was tied together at her neck.
“So,” he said, refocusing on the task at hand. “We know that there are enemies close by, but we’ve got no idea what they are. Could be more of those little guys riding boars, or there could be something worse than that big-ass boss waiting for us.”
Sam shook her head. “Nah, it won’t be a boss. See.”
She pointed to the area where Coin Lord Grindle and his Riders sat. The boss was surrounded by a large, angry red circle with the interior shaded light pink, in contrast to all the smaller dots that were just solid red. There were a few close by the Coin Lord who had smaller red circles surrounding the solid center, likely indicating elite enemies of some kind.
“We’d know if there was a boss there, and I don’t think any of these guys are elites.”
[Nero] The physical structure of this location may also ideally suit your requirements. It seems as though this enemy is hemmed in by the buildings. If you attack from the north, you may be able to keep them trapped ahead of you as you finish them off. Remember, however, the goal—if you are looking to score Core Achievement Points—is to gain as many achievements as possible, or to pick up side quests that may provide points. I would therefore suggest that you attempt to fight in a manner you have not tried before or try something out of the ordinary or extravagant in some way.
“Kill extravagantly,” Sam said with a snort. “How the hell are we supposed to do that, exactly?”
“I told you,” Pet said, grinning. “Sick tricks.”
She rolled her eyes. “Easy enough to say when you’re fighting with a bow, but what the hell am I supposed to do?” She clicked her fingers and Wolfy appeared, somehow already licking the place where his genitalia should be and looking up at Sam, his swirling crimson eyes wide with sudden delight.
“I fight with a wolf!” Sam pressed. “So how the hell am I supposed to do sick tricks?”
“Throw it at the enemy,” Coop suggested, scowling down at the wolf from her perch on Pete’s shoulder. “Or drop it on top of one of the little green men from a considerable height.”
Pete shrugged. “See? You just need to mix it up a bit.”
[Nero] Consider utilizing improvised weaponry or attacking enemies from stealth, or in numbers of three or more. Again, the key is to attempt something new that you haven’t done before, or to try a technique that may yield outsized results. The killing itself is just one way to gain achievements. The words you use, the flamboyance you demonstrate during and after a fight, the manner in which you treat the dead; these can all trigger new achievements.
“Great,” Sam mused, “so I should just bathe in goblin blood or bite one of their arms off.”
[Nero] Indeed! Both of those would likely trigger achievements. Remember, the Dominion Ultrimax Contest is a spectator sport above all else. Billions of citizens are watching your every move…well, perhaps millions at this early stage, but those numbers will increase with time. Anything you can do to ingratiate yourself with the viewers will be of tremendous benefit.
Pete felt his hands tense up as Nero spoke, rage building within. Here they were, standing on two hybrid vehicles that were once humans—humans who had been tortured and transformed into these monstrous machines all for the sin of being a ‘noob.’
“Okay, so what do we do with these?” Sam said, patting the right handlebar of the vehicle. “We should find a car or something, right?”
The hybrid she was standing on roared in protest, eyes bulging from the human face that stared at Pete.
“Weeee heeelp!” it blasted in its metallic horn voice. “Pleeeeease! Weee heeeelp!”
Pete stared at the hideous figure, trying to differentiate man from machine. The hybrid had been constructed around a thin man with wisps of dark hair sprouting from the top of his head, a bulbous nose, and a long face. That face was distorted by the addition of metallic studs, bolts, and various fender-like metal panels that had been grafted into his body. Further down, his torso was fused with copper-colored wires, chrome-plated tubing, and various mechanical components grafted in a seemingly haphazard fashion to the body.
The skin was angry red where it met each of the mechanized components, weeping green pus and oil here and there, and even blood in several locations. Those bloodshot eyes bulged unnaturally, the eyelids pulled outwards by what looked like large metal staples while a crude glass bowl covered each, offering meager protection from the elements.
“Weeee heeelp!” the hybrid repeated, this time managing only a weak complaint, which sounded like the dying breath of a set of bagpipes.
“I guess it helps them to think they’re doing something to fight back,” Pete said, looking over at Sam.
She nodded, but he could see the discomfort plainly on her face.
[Sam-Private-Pete] It’s like we’re torturing them ourselves riding them like this.
[Pete-Private-Sam] Yeah, I know, but they’re still alive in there, and it sounds like they want to help. It might be uncomfortable for us, but this is probably the only way they can get some kind of revenge on the goblins.
[Sam-Private-Pete] It’s getting worse though. The pain. I can sense this guy beneath me, and every time I rev the engine or pull that throttle, it causes him pain.
“What the hell are you both doing?” Coop asked, looking from one to the other. “Is this some kind of trance, or are you two lovebirds just lost in each other’s eyes?”
Pete realized that he’d been staring at Sam the whole time. She did likewise, quickly pulling her gaze away.
“Alright,” she said. “We’ll take the hybrid…scooters.”
The vehicles seemed to relax a little at that, idling slightly more quietly.
Pete called up the achievements he’d picked up so far, trying to get a good idea of what he’d need to do to gain more Attribute points. He checked the rewards for each achievement, grouping them together where possible and sharing the information on a holographic display screen that sat in the air between him and Sam while Coop looked on with mild interest, chewing Copper Chew noisily by Pete’s ear.
>> CURRENT ACHIEVEMENTS:
>> BELCH BUCK REWARDS
Total Wok-Out: 2 Belch Bucks
Ker-Splat: 2 Belch Bucks
Two for One: 2 Belch Bucks
Kill a Boss Like a Boss: 2 Belch Bucks
Kill by Proxy: 2 Belch Bucks
It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses an Eye: 2 Belch Bucks
Glorious Charge: 20 Belch Bucks
Look Ma, No Hands: 50 Belch Bucks
Kill a Boss Like a Boss: 100 Belch Bucks
>> VARIOUS REWARDS
Rapid Response Unit: 1 x Medkit
Tuck and Roll: 1 Temporary Point in Liquidity
One Eye Wally: 5 Belch Bucks, +5 Fearsome (10 mins)
Multi-kill Madness: +5 Archery, +1 Critical Strike Damage, +1 Stealth
Budget Berserker: 50 Belch Bucks, Budget Berserker Subclass Unlocked
A New Contract: +5 Diplomacy, +5 Prestige
The Anti-Dick Doctrine: Goblin Burrower Bonus.
>> ATTRIBUTE POINTS REWARDS
Goblin Kebab to Go: 1 Attribute Point
Written in Blood: 1 Attribute Point
“Damn, son!” Sam said, shaking her head. “How the hell did you get so many?”
He looked over at her. “You don’t have this many?”
“No way. I’ve got five tops.”
“Eighteen in total, and I’ve only got two that have given Attribute Points,” Pete said, bringing up the details of those two achievements so he could see what separated them from the others.
“Okay, so I got one point for shooting a goblin with the bow at point-blank range.”
Sam shook her head. “And the other one was for bonding with the Red Ledger. So, that’s no help at all. This doesn’t tell us anything.”
[Nero] On the contrary! With a little closer inspection, this tells us a great deal. Consider the first occurrence, for example. A savage shot with the bow was so potent it lifted the goblin foe off the ground and tore its heart out of its chest. That must have been quite a sight, and the System obviously wanted to reward you for the spectacle.
“Great,” Sam said, her voice thick with sarcasm. “We just need to kill these little fuckers in the most brutal way possible!”
[Nero] Not necessarily brutal, but certainly you should attempt to make a spectacle. That is what the System rewards most, in addition to shrewd acts, guile, and the like.
“And in the second case,” Coop said, “the boy got himself a new book.”
[Nero] Pete was soulbound to the Red Ledger, yes. But that is much more than simply acquiring a new item. The soul bond is something special, something unique, and considering that the Mammon System clearly wished for Pete to be bound to the ledger, the Attribute point could be seen as something of a reward for his obedience.
“That’s probably not an option then,” Pete said. “Our best bet is to try to stage some spectacular fights, maybe try to use weapons in an unexpected way, make a big scene, and hope the System rewards us.”
Sam shook her head. “How long is this gonna take? We’ve got…” she looked down at her wrist and the invisible gauntlet, “…forty-six hours until the Novice Arena closes.”
[Nero] Time will be your greatest pressure; it is true. You will need to experiment and hope that the System rewards your efforts. We have little choice, though, and even another ten Attribute points each would significantly increase your chances of survival in the coming boss fight. Your proficiencies will also increase, and that is most beneficial too.
Pete nodded, pulling his communications device out of his inventory and checking to see whether Ollie had made contact. There were no messages or notifications, and his mother was still not online. He dropped the phone back into his inventory and turned the hybrid scooter around.
“Alright then, looks like we’re heading to the mall.”