[LOCATION: THE COMMENT SECTION] [CURRENT MOOD: TRIGGERED]

  They drifted down the River of Code on a raft made of [LEGENDARY BOOTS] and [COMMON CRATES] lashed together with Grom’s tie bandana.

  The air here was thick, green, and smelled like burning hair and desperation. The river didn't sound like water anymore. It sounded like a million people whispering at once, a cacophony of angry typing. "Trash game..." "Devs are lazy..." "Nerf the Paladin..."

  "The voices," Gideon covered his ears, shivering. "They are so loud! Why do they hate us? We are trying our best!"

  "We are in the Comment Section," Kai said, paddling with a [Golden Spoon]. "It’s the runoff drain for the entire network. All the deleted anger flows here."

  "I do not like the atmosphere," Viscount Pigglesworth sniffed, adjusting his monocle. "It is uncouth. And the grammar on that floating rock is atrocious."

  He pointed to a boulder jutting out of the green sludge. Scrawled on it in glowing red letters was: L + RATIO.

  "Don't read the text," Kai warned. "Whatever you do, don't engage with the text."

  Suddenly, the green fog swirled. A massive shape rose from the river, blocking their path. It was a Troll. But he wasn't wearing a loincloth. He was wearing a tattered "Stream Team" hoodie that was three sizes too small. He had a gaming headset around his neck like a necklace of skulls, and his skin was pale from eons of avoiding sunlight.

  "WELL, WELL, WELL," the Troll boomed, his voice cracking like a microphone with the gain turned up too high. "IF IT ISN'T YOU GUYS AGAIN."

  Gideon squinted. "Wait! I know that smell! Smells like barn that hasn't been cleaned for ages!"

  "It is the Troll Moderator!" Kai realized. "From the Live Stream!"

  [ENTITY IDENTIFIED: EX-MODERATOR_TROLL] [CURRENT STATUS: BANNED / CANCELLED] [PASSIVE ABILITY: DOOMSCROLLING]

  "You remember me!" The Troll spat green bile. "I was a God! I had the Ban Hammer! Then you ruined the stream! Now I'm here. Demonetized. Deplatformed. Living in the slime with the bots!"

  The river boiled around him. Words floated up: CRINGE, BAIT, FAKE. "But the only way to leave the Comment Section..." The Troll grinned, revealing teeth that looked like downvote arrows. "...is to generate Heat! I need a Flame War!"

  "You cannot pass!" The Troll blocked the river. "Unless you trigger me! I need you to make me viral again!"

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  He pointed a grimy finger at Pigglesworth. "Hey, Velvet Man! Velvet is just budget polyester for people who can't afford silk!"

  Pigglesworth gasped. His monocle fell out. "HOW DARE YOU! VELVET HAS SNAZ! IT HAS SHEEN! IT IS A TEXTILE OF COMPLEXITY!"

  WOOSH. The Troll grew three feet taller. His muscles bulged as he absorbed the caps-lock energy. "YES! FEED ME!" The Troll laughed.

  Kai noticed something. The Troll wasn't looking at Pigglesworth. His eyes darted nervously up to a floating counter above his own head: [VIEWERS: 1]. He looked desperate for the number to go up.

  "I have one for the Orc!" The Troll turned to Grom, desperate to keep the momentum. "Orcs are just spicy Goblins who take themselves too seriously."

  Grom’s eyes flashed red. He racked the bolt of The Severance Package. "I WILL LIQUIDATE YOUR ASSETS! I AM A DISTINCT DEMO—"

  "STOP!" Kai yelled.

  The Troll was doubling in size again, towering over the raft. But Kai was staring at the counter. It had jumped to [VIEWERS: 4]. The Troll didn't want a fight. He wanted an audience.

  "He has Argumentative Immunity!" Borg noted, scribbling furiously. "Any damage we deal counts as 'Interaction.!"

  "So what do we do?" Gideon asked, raising his shield. "Do we hug him?"

  "No," Kai said, locking eyes with the desperate monster. "We don't fight. And we don't hug." Kai turned his back on the monster. "Everyone. Turn around."

  "What?" Grom asked. "Turn my back on a hostile?"

  "Do it!" Kai ordered. "Look at the wall! Talk about the weather! Don't feed the Troll!"

  The party hesitated, then turned around on the raft. They faced the blank canyon wall. They ignored the giant, raging monster looming over them.

  "HEY!" The Troll shouted. "DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID SOUP IS JUST HOT GARBAGE WATER!"

  Gideon trembled. He wasn't crying from sadness; he was vibrating with the need to correct someone .. "He is wrong," Gideon whispered through gritted teeth, sweat beading on his brow. "I need to share my recipe......"

  "Don't do it, Gideon," Kai hissed. "Look at that rock. That is a nice rock."

  "It... it is a very round rock," Gideon forced himself to say, fighting every instinct in his heroic body.

  "LOOK AT ME!" The Troll screamed. "I HAVE A CONTROVERSIAL OPINION ABOUT PAPERCLIPS! I THINK CLIPPY WAS A GOOD IDEA!"

  Borg bit his lip. "The inaccuracy... it burns..." "Borg," Kai said calmly. "Tell me about safety regulation 404." "Section 404," Borg stammered, staring at his shoes. "Covering... missing assets..."

  The Troll froze. His fist was raised, but nobody was watching. The viewer count dropped. [VIEWERS: 0].

  "Guys?" the Troll’s voice wavered. "I... I also think the red is the new blue? Does anyone want to argue about colours?"

  Silence. Grom whistled a tune. Pigglesworth examined his fingernails.

  "Please?" the Troll shrank. He was losing mass. "Just one angry comment? Just a little 'Shut up'? I need dopamine! I haven't had a notification in years!"

  "Nice weather we're having," Grom said loudly.

  Pfffft. The Troll deflated like a punctured balloon. Without engagement, he had no form. He shrank down from a giant to a regular troll, then to a goblin, then to a tiny, angry frog wearing a headset.

  "Whatever," the frog squeaked, turning away. "You guys are bots anyway. Unsubbed." Then it hopped away into the sludge, defeated by indifference.

  "He is gone," Kai checked over his shoulder. "Keep paddling. Before he comes back with an alt account."

  They drifted for another hour. The whispers faded. The green fog lifted. But the river didn't lead to an ocean. It ended abruptly at a wall.

  It was a solid, vertical wall of bright, blinding blue light. It stretched up forever and down into the depths. White text, fifty feet high, floated in the center of the blue expanse.

  :( YOUR PC RAN INTO A PROBLEM AND NEEDS TO RESTART. ERROR CODE: 0x0000000_END_OF_WORLD