The work’s all done. It was quiet between us- not that it’s ever too vocal or anything during work. I’m always in the kitchen, and Yuna’s always running orders or helping move heavy things.

  But even then, we usually find little things to confide in one another. Little comments, half-hearted complaints, and so on.

  Yet… today, it was silent. All business. Not to say I had no hand in that, but… well, even if I know her and Salka made up, it’s hard for me to do so.

  ‘I guess… well, Salka doesn’t have all this complicated baggage and history. Yuna expects me to be on her side more, or well, the supposed Mira’s. But… if it was Mira, why didn’t she come to me? Why hide? I’m sure Yuna would’ve told me.’

  As I prepare the food to be put out for tomorrow, my tail’s low and still in somber thought.

  ‘But… then again, she must’ve thought the same about me siding with her. And here I am, siding with Salka. At least she didn’t know Mira. But we did, I did, and Yuna must blame me in small part for her death. Or maybe she thinks I blame her.’

  Shaking my head a little, I feel ashamed. ‘...maybe I do. But I don’t fault her for it… or maybe that’s enough for her to avoid me.’

  I’m so lost in thoughts, I only barely catch her saying my name the third time, jumping and facing her.

  “Woah, sorry to scare you Lulu…” Unlike my baggy eyes, hers are nearly spotless, able to sleep fine lately.

  “It’s fine. What is it?” My voice comes out snappy- didn’t mean for it to, but the sleepless nights after all this trouble, that endless day for a month, and then all this- it’s hard to not have a sharp tone.

  “Um… well, I was wondering… do you have anything in mind for dinner tonight?”

  Continuing on with my prep, I shake my head. “No, want something?”

  Her tail wilts a little as she nods. “Yeah… um, maybe some sweet chicken?”

  My tail stiffens up for a moment, before I let out a breath. “...sure. I’ll make it when I’m done here.”

  “I’ll get it started then.” She tries to keep a positive tone… but I can’t help but view it as fake. What’s there to be happy about, eating our dead sister’s favorite meal, after I dealt with one of the worst experiences of my life and still can’t sleep soundly?

  Closing my eyes, I shake my head. No, it’s not right to think like that, I know that. It’s just… mounting, I guess. Too much shit at once.

  Deciding I’ll finish the rest of the prep in the morning, a bit unlike my usual self, I go to the counter and help her prep the chicken.

  It doesn’t take me more than five minutes of silent work to get into a bit of a rhythm. Not a full flow, it’s far too simple a meal for that, but with how tired I am anything works.

  Making a sauce, while she works preparing the chicken into bite-sized chunks and battering them.

  …of course, it doesn’t last long. Let alone, it feels suffocating in the silence, being next to my sister but moping. But hearing her speak isn’t much better with my state. “...I spoke to her again. She helped me cheer up a bit.”

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  “...that’s good.”

  I’m so tired, even my thoughts feel like they’re putting a pressure on my skull. ‘I doubt she’s real. Even if I wish she were, it’s too good to be true, even with how shit my luck’s been lately. Or was it too good for her to be real? After all, I’m alive.’

  “...I also spoke to Salka… she told me more about what she learned. About… if she’s not real.”

  ‘I haven’t even heard that yet. Maybe it’s good at least, she doesn’t sound upset. Or maybe she’s worried about upsetting me.’

  Tossing the meat in the sauce, she follows by starting the stove to fry it up on a skillet. “So what, then?”

  Starting to fry it for me, she speaks, as I wash my hands. “...well, she said she… can’t kill her.”

  The gears stop in my mind, like someone threw a piece of rebar right into the largest gears and welded them together.

  “...what?”

  Her shoulders wilt a little. Is she upset about me, or Mira? “...she said it’s better to avoid them than to get rid of them. So since we already have her attention… that we hope she is really Mira and friendly, or if she isn’t that she can figure something out before it matters.”

  Breathing feeling erratic, I shut off the sink and slowly look at her. But she keeps speaking, seeming lost in her ideas.

  “Well, I mean, at least she won’t be killed. And Salka didn’t-”

  Before she can even finish, she pauses at the sight of my flicking tail, my fur standing on end. “...so we’re fucked. Got it. Kudos to us, the ones to survive one terrible tragedy, to go waltzing into the next with a smile and eating the ghost’s favorite food.”

  Eyes widening, she goes to approach me. “T-that’s not what I-”

  Quickly brushing past her, I shake my head. “No… it’s not your fault. You loved her and she’s gone. But… you keep clinging to her as if she really defied fate. As if she was some thing like those other monsters we keep seeing. Well… no, she’s dead, and the thing you see is some monster wearing her skin.”

  Tail standing on end, she borderline yells at me. “You’re wrong! You didn’t see her- hug her! Listen to her cry and need comfort, like I did!”

  Clenching my teeth, it feels like one might break if I shift my jaw a bit, so I snap back instead. “What I do know, is that the dead don’t come back to life! Just because you blame yourself for her dying, doesn’t mean she’s magically alive!”

  I’m almost panting, as if I just ran a marathon…

  After her stunned silence is all I’m left with, I storm off to my bedroom, feeling like an even bigger piece of shit than ever.

  I’d say I’ll sleep it off, but I doubt sleep will embrace me soundly tonight, either.

  ***

  “What’s wrong, big sis? I thought you felt better?”

  Looking down at Mira, I shake my head. “...n-no. No, I don’t. Not anymore. I messed up big time.”

  With a new look in her eyes, she cocks her head. “Are you in danger?”

  “No, no not that… I don’t think so at least… I just… I pissed off sis… it’s… I don’t know…”

  Rubbing my eyes, I feel her tighten her hug on me. “You could never do anything wrong, you care too much to.”

  “That’s the problem…”

  Climbing up me, she pulls my hands away from my face and looks down at me, her innocent eyes filled with confidence. “No it isn’t. What the problem is, is you think it’s a problem. That you don’t trust yourself.”

  “How can I trust myself when I thought Mordret was really Lumi?!” I freeze after my yell, scared I hurt the kit’s feelings… but she continues on, as if I didn’t.

  “So what? That was a month, this was a year! She said what she said, and she’s wrong! The dead do stick around, that’s what ghosts are! Mordret, he isn’t something you thought was real before he showed up, so why am I anything different?!”

  Slowly, I nod a little, hugging her tight to my chest and nuzzling her cheek. “...right… I guess I needed that…”

  “I know you did, now relax, I’ll take care of everything. Or well, as best as I can when I’m in your dreams.”

  “You already… do…”

  Somehow… I manage to fall asleep in a dream.

  ___

  Sometimes, emotions and exhaustion are a terrible mix. At least Mira’s there to comfort her…