We didn't stop because we felt safe. We stopped running because our bodies were physically incapable of pushing itself any further. Hungry, tired and broken. All of us were in a miserable state. This wasn't the same as with Oskar. Yes we all saw his death. But at least none of us heard him suffer. His death could even been seen as merciful compared to Elena's. How cruel. How disgusting. It tore her apart, letting her crawl away. It didn't even finish her off. It let her suffer so that we could watch. Once again we were mere bystanders just watching again powerless while one of our own died

  As day approaches, no one spoke

  Adrian was the first to straighten up, but he didn't look at any of us. His eyes stayed fixed on the ground, jaw tight, as if even lifting his gaze might make something appear in front of him. Vera wiped her face with shaking hands and forced her breathing into something steady, something controlled. Lukas stared blankly into the trees, lips moving faintly as if still finishing whatever he'd been muttering

  And Sofia

  She wasn't crying like before. She just stood there her eyes wandering. Distant. Her eyes weren't searching the forest, or looking at us but somewhere in between

  A long moment passes. Then Adrian's stomach growls

  Loud

  He slowly raises his head, ''We need to eat''

  All of us lift our heads except for Sofia who continues to stare into the distance

  Eat

  That word lingers in our heads longer than we like it

  Vera swallows, "There's nothing here"

  "There has to be," Adrian insists, pushing himself to his feet. His legs wobble slightly. He pretends not to notice. "We haven't looked properly. We've just been running"

  "Running from something that ripped Elena in half," Lukas mutters

  Adrian snaps toward him, "So what? We just sit here and starve instead?"

  No one answers

  My stomach twists sharply, almost painfully, like it's trying to fold in on itself. The hunger isn't dull anymore. It's aggressive. My hands feel weaker. My thoughts slower

  I slowly open my aching mouth, my jaw straining, ''I said it before there are no animals but we have seen bugs. That's our only choice''

  Vera turns and walks toward a fallen log a few feet away, "Help me flip this"

  Lukas hesitates, then joins her. Together they roll it over. The damp underside is alive with movement. Thin white larvae. Beetles. Worms writhing blindly in the sudden light

  We all stare

  Adrian lets out a slow breath, "There"

  Lukas recoils, "You're not serious"

  "It's food. It's survival'', I say

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  Sofia finally moves

  She steps forward quietly and crouches beside the overturned log. She doesn't flinch. Doesn't grimace. She just watches the small creatures twist over one another, unaware of us

  "They don't know," she says softly

  Adrian frowns. "Don't know what?"

  "That something bigger is about to decide for them"

  The way she says it makes something cold settle in my chest

  Vera looks away first, "We don't have a choice"

  Lukas shakes his head, ''We could get sick"

  "And if we don't eat, we get weaker," Adrian shoots back, "And if we get weaker, we can't run. Pick your death"

  Sofia reaches down before anyone can stop her. She picks up one of the larvae between her fingers. It writhes helplessly. She studies it for a moment. Then, without expression, she places it in her mouth

  Lukas gags, "Jesus-"

  Sofia chews slowly. Her face doesn't change, unnervingly so

  "It doesn't matter," she says after swallowing

  No one moves for a few seconds until one by one we all find ourselves putting bugs in our mouth

  I stare at the thing in my hand. It twists weakly between my fingers, its pale body flexing in slow, blind pulses. It's lighter than I expect. Fragile. Alive. My stomach cramps hard enough to make me dizzy. 'Yuck'. For a moment, I almost laugh. This is what we've become. This is what I'm resorting to. I bring it closer to my face. The smell hits me first, damp earth, rot, something faintly sour. My throat tightens instinctively. My body already knows this is wrong. Everything in me resists. My hand hesitates inches from my mouth. Then I think of Elena. Of her dragging herself across the dirt. Of how helpless she looked, how mangled she was, how until the end she was toyed with by that thing!

  And I force myself to move. I drop it onto my tongue. It's cold. It writhes once against the roof of my mouth and that alone nearly makes me gag. My instincts scream at me to spit it out, to retch, to reject it

  I bite down. There's a soft, wet rupture. A thin burst of bitterness floods my mouth instantly. Disgusting. The texture is the worst part. Not solid. Not liquid. It collapses unevenly, leaving fragments clinging to my teeth, smearing across my tongue. I choke on a breath, eyes watering

  Chew. Swallow

  It goes down thickly, scraping the back of my throat like it doesn't belong there. My stomach twists violently, threatening to throw it back up. I press a hand against my mouth and force it down. For a few seconds I can't breathe properly. The taste lingers. Rotting wood. Iron. Something faintly sweet underneath that makes it worse. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. My fingers are shaking. But I reach down for another one anyway. Not because I want to, but because I refuse to die, I will survive no matter what! For as long as I breath I will fight for my live, no matter the cost, no matter the struggle, in the end everything will be worth it as long as I live

  We don't speak for a while after eating. The taste lingers no matter how much I swallow. The sun has shifted slightly overhead, but it doesn't feel warmer. Nothing feels warmer anymore. Sofia is sitting a few feet away from us, knees pulled loosely to her chest. Not curled in fear. Just folded in on herself. She's slightly separated from everyone else not engaging in any of the few lacking exchange of words within the rest of the group, never even looking towards us

  Her fingers trace absent patterns in the dirt. Lines that don't mean anything. Circles that close in on themselves

  Lukas shifts uncomfortably beside me, "We should keep moving."

  No one argues. No one agrees until Sofia finally speaks

  Her voice is steady

  "Lukas"

  He looks at her, almost startled, like he forgot she was there, "What?"

  "Can I borrow your belt?"

  It's such a normal question that it takes him second to register

  "What for?" he asks

  She shrugs faintly, "My pants keep slipping"

  They aren't. They have never been

  He sighs and unbuckles it, handing it over without much thought, "Just give it back"

  Sofia takes it carefully. Not hurried. Not nervous. She runs the leather slowly through her hands, feeling the texture of it. Testing the weight. Her fingers pause at the metal buckle, tracing the edge like she's memorizing it, treasuring it

  "You okay?" Vera asks.

  Sofia tilts her head slightly, ''Yeah I'm okay, I'll be fine, everything will be fine''

  She wraps the belt once around her palm and pulls it taut between both hands, watching the leather strain slightly under pressure

  Testing it

  Then she loosens it and rests it in her lap

  "We should keep moving," she says calmly

  She stands first. We all slowly get up moving as a unit, moving nowhere, continuing to traverse this godforsaken place in search of hope, in search of anything

  Of escape