Unnamed Dungeon.
Level: 15
Floors: 21 (Residential) (Industrial x2) (Agricultural) (Mana Crystal Farm) (Alchemy lab) (Combat x9) (Market) (TBC x5)
Rooms: 43
Sprite level: 23
Minions: 91/110
Hoard: 2,831,148 gold
“You’ve been busy,” I said warmly as I admired the state of my dungeon. The tour had been swift and largely involved stepping through a portal, taking a look around, nodding in satisfaction, and stepping back onto the mana crystal floor.
“The dwelvers and the dwarves have been going great guns. With the salvage from the golems you took as booty, you’ve got a huge stockpile of arkendrite now.” Kat said as she led me to the portal that linked to the dungeon's latest addition.
The minions were now so varied and had been recruited while I was off on my jollies that I could hardly name most of the species. The pixie had expanded our ranks of Janglebonks, so I kept my mouth carefully closed. I wished, for a moment, that I still had my monocle, as something like a horse-sized dog with a row of furry tentacles sprouting from its spine, which hung down and brushed the ground, went past us, dragging a cart loaded with uni-bunny bodies.
“What’s that one called?” I asked, nodding towards it.
“I am a Dachsipops, and I’ll thank you not to point,” the creature called, one tentacle that ended in a pink eyeball inside what looked like a human ear pointed in my direction.
“Erm, excellent. Congratulations,” I called back uncertainly. “Are they all sentient?” I whispered to Kat, and the thing turned its shaggy head away and continued towards a portal further up the line.
“Mostly. Some barely register, like the Janglies, but a species has to achieve a base level of stupidity to be eligible to auction themselves on the Core Market. If they aren’t capable of earning a degree in marketing, they don’t qualify. The stumblebums and bowlerkinigits are the latest ones, they’re to conquer new floors so we can keep expanding.”
She led me through a new portal, life preserver cocked over one shoulder, and we stepped out into a medieval town. I stopped and stared around. Cutesy olde-worldey buildings, black painted timbers with white washed walls, steepled roofs covered in thatch, and a gentle snowfall drifted down from what I assumed was a fake sky painted onto a ceiling above.
“Is it Christmas already?”
“It’s called Pigmass on Helstat. I just went with it for the cosy aesthetic.”
“Aren’t you cold?” I nodded at her swimwear.
She sighed. “Are you cold?”
“No.”
“It’s not actually cold. It’s magic. I’ll refrain from saying anything about your intelligence after what you did to that poor zombie.”
“She had it coming.” I shrugged. “Besides, I like you.”
Kat looked up and raised an eyebrow at me sceptically. “The market is this way.”
Down through the winding streets we went. Smoke rose from all the chimneys around us, and firelight danced behind the drawn curtains.
“Are there people in the houses already?” I pulled out a jar of gerkhins and started munching as we walked.
“Nope. All done by the dungeon. They’re for traders to stop in as they come and go. The Janglebonks keep them clean and stocked with firewood and whatnot.”
The road opened out onto a wide square. Smooth flags replaced the cobbles of the streets. The edges were lined with shops, glass windows mostly empty, the rooms behind them unlit, bar a few. A sign hung over one with the lights on that announced “de Boneville’s Beneficient Bottles!” in garish blue lettering. Alchemists adored alliteration, apparently. Another was labelled as an outlet for Tim’s Technological Trinkets, although I suspected that alliteration was accidental.
There were rows of covered stalls occupying the centre of the square, under neat, tiled roofs that were propped up with carved wooden beams. These were all unoccupied at the moment, but I could see them one day being filled with traders hawking their wares at each other, every sale sending some tax to my hoard above. Beautiful.
“I can see this working. But… they won’t just want to trade with other traders. We need punters, customers, the gullible masses to buy all the shit that will be on offer.”
“I was thinking about some kind of day tokens. A couple of bronze coins to get a ticket at the bar that lets them come by for a visit. We move the portals around so the ones from your towns are all next to the portal down to here. Keep a few robobunnies on hand to make sure nobody wanders off where they shouldn’t and it should work.”
If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
“Great idea, Kat. Except why wouldn’t the merchants just buy day tokens as well if they’re so cheap?”
“Make it part of a licence to sell here. Plus food and board at the pubs?”
“This looks like free housing to me?” I waved back at the renaissance fair of a village behind me.
“The doors have keys, Bob. Could make getting one a part of the subscription. You’re nitpicking.”
I sighed. I was. I still didn’t feel like myself; I was out of sorts, and I knew it, but couldn’t help myself.
“You’re right. Get some of the more presentable, by which I mean humanoid and capable of human speech, minions out selling the wonders of Bob’s Bargain Bonanza to the people of the Mill and the Bottom. And Baginton, I guess.”
“Bob’s Bargain Bonanza?”
“Just keeping with the theme.” I waved at the shop signs I could see. “Can I borrow you for a minute?”
“What for?” she asked suspiciously.
“I want to evolve,” I said simply.
“Oh, sure. Probably best you do it with me on hand. You wouldn’t want to have twins, that really would ruin your cloaca.”
I glared at her and pulled up my menu. My stomach rumbled uncomfortably at the word.
Biomass stored:
498.2 KG
Biomass required for evolution: 260 KG
Rolling for evolution choices…
Please select from the following six options:
-
Arcane Enhancement
-
Perspicacious Pedipalps
-
Flared Nostrils
-
Increase Mass
-
Picky Eater
-
Bob, You’re A Banker
I explained my options ot Kat.
“The pedipals will shift you towards an octopus-angel-insect hybrid, but they act like a biological scoot device. Nostrils are to give you a wide-bore breath attack. Picky eater means you can’t eat some stuff, but the stuff you like gives you more biomass, not a bad choice that one under normal circumstances. Number 6 is because the system doesn’t like you very much. If you take it…” She paused, her bosom heaving as she let out a long sigh. “You’ll be… rich. You can found a banking house, but think of your soul!” she added hurriedly as my eyes lit up and golden motes shot out around me.
“It’s never done that before,” I muttered as the shower of sparkles mingled with the snowflakes.
“You’ll be doomed to go down the karmic gradient when you die if you become a banker, Bob.”
The greed-goblin did not seem to be too worried about the state of my soul. I fought him back, trying to keep my focus on the other options.
“And the first one?” I managed to grind out.
Kat looked up with something approaching sympathy on her face. “You got this, big guy. Greed leads to the dark side. The first one is your best option. You’ll upgrade your mana circuit and begin to be able to train your magic properly. It’s by far the best choice. Focus on how rich you could be by becoming a true dragon-mage. How safe all of your territories would be with you flinging spells from the sky as well as fire.”
“But a bank… I could print money…”
“You already bloody do every time you kill something, and more magic means more killing! You’re a one-dragon quantitative-easing machine. Inflatio isn’t a popular god, and she isn’t in charge of what I expect you’re probably thinking she is, you perv, but she’d love you even more than she probably already does. Everyone else will bloody hate you. Take the magic, lizard, please.”
My mental finger hovered over number six. With a colossal effort of will, I selected option one. Kat was right, I reluctantly admitted in the privacy of my own head. And the ease with which I picked up spells made it a solid choice.
Arcane Affinity:
Mana circuit: Novice (monster)
Mana: 500
“Well done, Bob. I know that can’t have been easy,” she said, leaning on her life preserver as the tension left her.
“How come you’re so worried?”
“If you fail in this life, that’s on me. You just saved both our asses, scaly.”
“The system is a di–” The red flotation device smacked me in the nose. As I was still in the human-suit, it actually hurt a fair bit.
“Dammit!”
“Don’t say mean things about the wonderful, kind and ever-loving system. K?” she smiled sweetly at me as she fluttered back to the ground.
“How do I train the magic?” I grumped, rubbing at my beak.
“Speak to Inedible-Reg. And Luckdire, maybe. They’re both decent wizards. Tim, too, I guess, seeing as you’ve already got some necromantic spells.”
“Right. You get to work on the licences and tokens for the Bonanza. I’ll go find those pointy-hatted fuck-wits.”
“Do you need a spa day?”
“Piss off, Kat.
Inedible Reg was at work on the Alchemist’s floor. I watched him channel mana into crystals on a workbench. When he was done, they flashed and split neatly in half. The hissing and bubbling of the industrial-looking barrels and cauldrons that filled the floor had let me sneak up on him.
“Reg.”
He leapt backwards, spinning around and throwing up his hands in front of him. “You don’t need me to lure out bunnies!” he squeaked.
“No. How many spells do you know?” I asked with a lazy grin. My smile was much less effective in human form.
“Erm, a few, Lord– Bob.”
I read out my list, and he gave me a very confused look.
“They’re all from different schools. You shouldn't be able to have summoning and control and mental spells at once.”
“When I see someone form the sigil thing and hear the words, I gain the spell. I’m just awesome like that.” I was awesome. Dragons innately were.
“Well, I can teach you enchanting. And some spatial magic, that’s my talent.”
“Screw the enchanting, I’ve got you to do that. Spatial magic is like… teleportation and stuff?”
“Non Hic!” Reg announced, a sigil shaped like a man split in two appeared above his palm, and he vanished.
New Syntheticus unlocked!
Non Hic
I looked around and found him twenty metres away, hurrying towards the stairs down to the agricultural floor.
“Non Hic!”
I appeared in front of him, and he bounced off my chest. “What's the range on that spell?”
He picked himself up, sheepishly dusting off his robes and setting his hat straight. “Line of sight, but the mana consumption depends on the distance you move, Bob. Here’s another one: Porta Auferet!”
New Syntheticus unlocked!
Porta Auferet
A blue oval opened next to him as he dived through, then it snapped shut behind him. The little bastard had escaped, but I’d learned to manually cast the portals. I made a note to tell Kat to think of a suitable punishment for the cowardly wizard later on and headed up to the accommodation floor to find Luckdire.
The floor was busy. Dozens of minions passed back and forth from the kitchen area to their rooms or out through a portal to go to whatever jobs Kat had assigned them. It was busy. I hadn’t been paying enough attention to my dungeon, but it seemed Kat was doing a decent enough job. I stopped outside the fancy oak doors to the luxury accommodation Luckdire had agreed to rent from me and raised a fist to knock hard three times.
A crossbow bolt, the width of my human wrist, broke through the door in front of my face, spraying wooden splinters around me. The barbed tip stopped an inch from one of my eyes. Wizards were more bloody trouble than they were worth.