Despite my interruption, which earned me disapproving looks from the auctioneer and audience, the bidding continued. Dalgliesh kept glaring up at my booth after I withdrew.

  “One billion and seventeen million… Going once… Going twice… Sold to Lady Artington!” the bastard finally announced. I collapsed backwards into a new chair just as venerable and valuable as the one I somehow destroyed due to buttock-clenching tension before. The booth exploded with motes of light that hung in the air around us all.

  I repeated the numbers dumbly, staring around at the corners of the room, ignorant of the goldworked fluting of the… what do you call them? Architraves or something? I could afford as many of them as I wanted. And transoms and mouldings and… and everything.

  But I wouldn’t. Why would I even want to? Gold wasn’t for spending; it was for sleeping. Now if I could just sort out this civil war, I’d be set. I could build the business, turn the Unnamed Dungeon into a thriving trade hub, and just watch the only number that mattered tick upwards.

  Dungeon Status:

  Unnamed Dungeon.

  Level: 15

  Floors: 21 (Residential) (Industrial x2) (Agricultural) (Mana Crystal Farm) (Alchemy lab) (Combat x9) (Market) (TBC x5)

  Rooms: 43

  Sprite level: 23

  Minions: 98/110

  Hoard: 3,752,793 gold

  It looked so pitiful to me. A mere three million. From the couple of thousand I’d had at the start to this had seemed like an accomplishment, but now it felt hollow. A pathetic effort.

  “I assume I’m still going to have to claw every coin out of you for dungeon upgrades, aren’t I?” Kat said, closing her book and disappearing into her skin-tight costume… somewhere. The only bulges I could see were natural. She hopped from Esme’s shoulder to the table and picked up one of the few remaining hors d’ouevres.

  “Can I borrow that book when you’re finished, please?” My lady-love asked, receiving a nod from the pixie. “We can refurbish all the pubs as well. This is amazing, Bob!” She swept over and plopped down into my lap, burying my face in her chest as she hugged me.

  Greed had done something to my internal menagerie. They were all unconscious, and he had grown. Where before he’d been a goblin-esque thing, scrawny and grey, now he loomed large in my mind, covered in spikes and spines, lips split into a broad grin that revealed long fangs.

  “Apple syrup and clout,” I muttered into Esme’s breasts. I pulled back, I needed more oxygen, and looked up with suspicious eyes. “Thrift good pokes soul harness.”

  “Are you alright?” she asked, looking down at me with worry.

  I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “How do I get paid?”

  “Each member of the audience was required to place at least a hundred million in escrow with us for the privilege of attending. Lady Artington placed half a billion with us. She has a day to arrange the final payment, but we can release your earnings to you from the funds held by us from all the participants.”

  “I don’t have to wait?”

  “No, Baronet Bob, you do not.” Rosebaum smiled broadly at me, which I returned full force and with slightly pointier teeth than were normal.

  I stood up so fast I almost threw Esme to the floor, but I caught her and set her down gently. So rich. So soon. “Take us there.”

  “It might be advisable to let the participants leave the auction house before… Very well. One moment, please.” My glare had said very firmly that waiting was not an option. It was a good glare, effective.

  “I guess I’d better, you know…” muttered Kat as she flew into my chest. “You know your heart's beating really fast, Bob?” she said in a muffled voice.

  “Don’t care.” I began pacing back and forth. I needed defences. I needed a new lair. “How much to convert a floor into a new lair for me?”

  “A treasury floor? It’s one of the more expensive options. About fifteen thousand for the basic version. If you want all the guards, traps and defences, call it a hundred,” she said from my chest.

  “Do it. Use the funds already in the hoard. I want it ready before I get back.” Spending gold on guarding my hoard seemed to bypass my aversion to the dreaded S word.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  “If you’d follow me?” Rosebaum asked from behind me. Damn those silent hinges.

  She led us through the ornate corridor outside the private booths to a side door that opened onto a flight of stairs headed down. We kept to the back corridors, which weren’t as plush as the public areas but were still far above what I’d have expected in terms of decor. Killrat, Gonglash and Boff didn’t spare the coin on any part of their facility. Idiots. So much money wasted on frippery.

  Esme hung from my arm, her body pressed against my side as we emerged at the edge of the stage to find the auctioneer waiting for us with a politely neutral expression on his face.

  “Baronet Bob, Lady Esme. I have received a request, a somewhat unusual one. Would you be willing to have a moment with Lady Artington? She wishes to congratulate you on the success of the evening,” he said.

  I glanced around but couldn’t see the beautiful woman anywhere. “Sure? You mean now?”

  “He does indeed mean now. The Emperor will be very pleased with the acquisition I have made on his behalf this evening. I trust you have made suitable security arrangements?” The woman materialised at the side of the auctioneer, who jumped slightly before smoothing his jacket in annoyance. Another bloody ninja, great.

  “Speculator Visus!” I whispered under my breath and felt Kat try to punch me in the balls from the inside. It wasn’t very effective.

  Lady Jemima Artington

  Elite Courtesan

  Level 98

  STR 73 AGI 194 MAG 84 ARM 147

  “It doesn’t work on you, part of being a dragon?” Jemima said with a sultry smile, the left side of her full lips curving upwards. Her large, almost almond-shaped blue eyes narrowed slightly in amusement.

  “My ARM stat is over nine thousand,” I blurted as another shower of golden sparkles fell around me. Esme nudged me in the ribs. “This is Lady Esme, my partner,” I added hurriedly.

  “Charmed. It is rare to see such a beauty in the city,” Jemima said, bobbing the tiniest curtsy to Esme, who reciprocated with a slightly deeper one. “Your… intrusion during the bidding has caused you some problems, dear dragon. At least half of the audience is siding with the shadow in the civil war, and their power is not inconsequential. Now they know who can produce Immortality Injections.”

  “Oh shit.” The auctioneer winced at my words, but I just gave him a brief level two glare before returning to ignoring him. “Kat, we need more guards and more bunnyborgs.”

  “No shit, genius,” came the response from my insides. Jemima chuckled, like a cat purring.

  “Perhaps the pixie would like to join us on the outside of Bob’s body?” she asked.

  Kat emerged and glared around. The auctioneer formed a moue of distaste, his lips pursing ever so slightly, but Jemima clapped her hands together.

  “Nice dress, slut.”

  “I don’t think you’re in much of a position to comment on modesty, Ekaterina,” Jemima laughed. “It’s so refreshing to speak to someone who doesn’t filter their words. My world is full of subterfuge and hidden meanings; it’s refreshing to be called a slut every now and then.” She winked at me, and I felt Esme’s hand clench around my forearm.

  “What do you want?” Esme asked coolly, somehow ensuring a line of contact from our shoulders to our calves as she pressed against me.

  “To deliver the warning, the gold, and an offer.” She bit her lower lip ever so slightly on the word offer. She was good, I’d give her that, but whatever Greed had done in my head, Lust-monkey was out cold, and I might as well have been a eunuch at the moment.

  “Gold, please.” I held out a hand, but the auctioneer stepped forward and accepted a small pouch of holding from the noblewoman. I growled faintly.

  Then the bastard stuck a finger in and produced his own pouch. He held the Lady’s over his own, and coins started falling into his own. I had him by the throat in an instant, hoisting him off the ground as the coins now clinked to the floor around my feet.

  “Mine.”

  “Sir! Unhand me! The house’s cut was discussed with you in advance!” he squawked.

  “You want a cut?” I rumbled, shaping my fingernails into claws.

  A yellow blur passed in front of my face, rising from below. A yellow fist covered in blue sparks smacked my chin en passant and knocked my head back. I dropped the man and rubbed at my jaw, scowling at Kat.

  “The auction house charges a percentage for coordinating the auction, Bob. Stop being an ass,” she said, shaking her right fist and flexing her fingers. “That ARM stat is really annoying.”

  "What was the cut?” I asked, stepping forward to smooth the man’s jacket and giving him a very broad smile.

  “Ten–seven per cent.” My teeth returned to normal.

  “So six per cent of… that’s nearly seventy million!”

  “And your earnings are one billion, forty-four million and change,” he replied acidly, resuming transferring coins between the pouches. The number was enough to stun me once again. I stared slack-jawed at the wall behind his head until he offered me a pouch, at which point I snapped back to reality and snatched it from his hand.

  I stuck a finger in and assessed the contents. Then I sighed. A long, very satisfied sigh.

  “As I mentioned, now that people know who it was who produced the Injection, you will have a lot of interest in your whereabouts and well-being. Should you ever wish to come under the protection of the Imperial Faction, here is my card. Present it at the Palace, and we may be able to help you. Lady Esme, Ekaterina, Mr Gonglash, a pleasure. I hope you’ll consider our offer, Baronet. Having friends at court is more valuable than the contents of that pouch. Good day.”

  She vanished, but I barely noticed, other than to snort at her comment about anything being more valuable than this precious sack of shinies. I glanced around nervously, searching the shadows in the corner of the auditorium for any suspicious movements. Ninjas. I spun in a circle, checking behind me.

  “I think we need to get that back to the dungeon before he goes insane,” Esme said, laying a hand gently on my arm.

  “You mean more insane. Come on, Bob, it’s alright. Now, why don’t you open a portal back to your lair and you can have a little lie down and get yourself together, eh?” Kat asked like she was speaking to a child or a geriatric.

  “Need more guards. Get Tim and Simeon to meet me in my old lair. We need to talk about defences. For the towns as well. All of them. Christ. I need to get the TOTS to do patrols as well. Six dragons should be enough; no one would mess with six dragons, right? Five greedy, covetous dragons. Kat! We need to get rid of the dragons!”

  “It’s alright, Bob. We can worry about that when we get back. Let’s go get you a nice shiny treasure room, yeah? Then you can fill it up and have a little nap. Maybe have a little Scrooge McDuck swim in it before you fall asleep? Does that sound nice?”

  It did indeed sound nice.