Chapter 229

  Legend of the Sage Alchemist (XI)

  This is one of those moments in life where I wish I could freeze time for about 9 seconds only so I can scream 'Fuck!' at the top of my lungs 'till my throat starts to hurt. Not only is this guy not embarrassed that he lost the bet, but my little antics have only made him even more curious.

  And if there's anything I hate more than assholes, it's curious assholes.

  How did I find the parasite? The hell if I know! It wasn't me, dude! All I did was put on a stupid pony show and pretend to drill a needle into her forehead when a voice screamed in my head to do it! As for how Long Tao found it?

  Dude, I might be terrified of you and your big, fat narcissism, but I've been terrified of that monster-dressed-as-kid from the first day in this world. My mind spun a thousand miles an hour, but it was pointless; there wasn't a 'good' answer, not the kind that would make him go away, anyway.

  "... you've lost the bet," I said. "And you're already demanding things?"

  "Ho ho. Indeed, it's rather discourteous, and if you were of a remotely equal status to mine, I may have even pretended to care. But... very well. It's unlikely you will tell me, anyway. So, all I will ask is a simple question: did you plant the parasite to begin with?"

  "What? No, of course not," I said quickly. "I came to this city for the first time in my life a few days ago, in the first place."

  "You officially came here for the first time. But... I believe you," he said. "Liars and thieves rarely, if ever, escape my eyes." Well, I am still a liar, though. So, your 'bullshit' detector isn't as good as you believe it is. "To think I'd find something curious in this depraved, bottom-of-the-barrel hellhole. Hah!" He looked back over at me, and I shuddered.

  I do not want this man following me around for an entire freakin' year! Honestly, I'd rather he just cursed me out in embarrassment and simply left, not even giving me any Spirit Stones...

  "Can you at least tell me something to satiate my curiosity?" I do actually have a truth that will fall in line with the lies I've been spewing.

  "... while crossing over the Eternal Range, I found one."

  "What?"

  "The parasite. At the summit itself. It was feeding on the Life Qi of all the dying on the entire mountain."

  "Ooh! So, that's how you immediately knew what was wrong with her?" he exclaimed. "Ha ha--I've been had, indeed!" Just how many personalities is this asshole actually packing? "What kind of a parasite was it?"

  "A vine."

  "A vine? On the mountain? In the cold?"

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  "You? An Exalted Alchemist? Unable to locate a parasite? See? I can make anything sound dubious, too." He cracked a grin as he stared me down, turning his gaze back over to the girl.

  "You mentioned that the parasite on the mountain was sucking up the Life Qi of the entire mountain. So, why is that not the case here? Why isn't the entire city suffering?"

  "Of my few talents, knowing why parasites do what they do isn't one of them, I'm afraid. But I do know who's likely behind it. Well, not the one who's behind the girl's condition, but where the parasite came from."

  "Oh? Why do I feel the condition for telling me will disappoint me?"

  "If I tell you, all you have to do is just... go away."

  "Huh?"

  "Despite my current antics, I actually prefer being low-key, believe it or not. If it weren't the life of a little girl--"

  "--and a lack of Spirit Stones."

  "... and a lack of Spirit Stones," I gritted my teeth as he smiled. "I would never have done this so openly. And, I have a feeling if I'm walking around with an extremely famous and talented Alchemist, my few days of peace, well, they'll get even fewer."

  "..." Honestly, all I was doing was making him more curious. It was as though all my pleas went in one ear and out the other, like there was a tunnel where his brain ought to be. "It's alright. I'm actually more curious about you than the parasite's origins."

  "Haah."

  "Ha ha ha, no one has ever sounded so disappointed to have me around in my entire life!"

  "Maybe not out loud."

  "... hmm, probably. That is why I'm curious, child," he continued. "No one--not even my Master--has dared speak to me so... daintily since I've been a wee young boy. Anywhere I'd go, people would skin their knees to be the first to kiss the dirt I walk on." Wow. Holy shit. Just... wow. "Do you think I'm arrogant?"

  "Wildly."

  "Ho ho--you really pull no punches," he chuckled. "Indeed, I am. I've worked for centuries to earn that arrogance. But it is also a shield. You're still young, and you're still naive, but if you stand out above the masses, and if you can do things others cannot, they will come in droves. Like a swarm of locusts, they will always be in want of something. Today, you've cured her daughter; tomorrow, she'll come and ask you to cure her cousin. Or her servant. Or a million other things. No matter how nicely you reject her, it will never register."

  "So, the solution is to become an asshat?" I sighed, putting the tortoise away.

  "How old are you?" he asked. "Forty? Maybe fifty years?"

  "..."

  "I've lived ten times as long as you," he said. "And have seen countless things you never did, or even ever will. The world has a way of spinning itself to change you in ways you never expect. When I first became an Alchemist, I did it so that I could cure my sister. Bright-eyed, I joined the Tower expecting an enthusiastic Master to teach me. What did I get? Nothing. Hatred, dismissiveness, indifference, apathy. Nobody answered any of my questions, nobody taught me anything, and nobody so much as threw sludge of a wasted pill on me to study it.

  "My sister died… about a year after I joined the Tower, just as I officially managed to become an Initiate, all so through my own struggles. So, I swore that I wouldn't be like the Tower Seniors--I'd never withhold knowledge."

  "..."

  "First time I held a public lecture," he said. "Six of my Seniors intercepted me on the way back to my room, and... well, there was barely a bone in my body that wasn't broken. And I hated them with all my being--especially as they continued to espouse how it's all for my own good."

  "..."

  "You remind me of me at that age," he chuckled, as though remembering something fondly. "So, let us make another bet, child."

  "H-huh?"

  "If you are still somehow alive 100 years from now," he said. "I'll find you. I guarantee you will have changed--no, I guarantee that the world will have changed you."

  "... tsk," I clicked my tongue almost involuntarily. "Of course I'll change in a hundred freakin' years. What kind of a stupid bet is that? Even trees change over a hundred years. Besides, I'm no trusting kind; I was fairly convinced your first act after being proven wrong would be to kill the two of them and try and kidnap me."

  "Ho ho, did you read my mind?"

  "Ugh. Fine, you can come. But on one condition."

  "What?"

  "Swear an Oath that you will not divulge anything you experience and see for the next year to another soul for as long as you're alive. If you do that, you can come."