Alexios

  Year 0 - Somewhere in the Middledark

  I can’t move.

  I can’t breathe.

  My chest is pressed firmly against stone. Nykky is in front of me.

  Alive. For now.

  I scream his name, but it doesn’t matter. One of the masked men grips his hair, causing his head to jerk back roughly. A blade flashes before disappearing into Nykky’s stomach.

  He gasps, eyes widened as he tries to collapse around the dagger. Blood pours out of the wound as I thrash around uselessly.

  “STOP! Please, please, PLEASE!”

  The masked men don’t even look at me when the blade pulls free. Then it plunges in again.

  And again.

  And again.

  They won’t let him fall to the ground. I’m screaming so hard that my chest and throat feel like they’re being torn to shreds.

  Alexios.

  “No,” I sob, shaking my head violently. “Please…”

  Alexios, my sweet. You must listen to me.

  The memory begins to tremble around the edges of my mind, but it doesn’t stop the dagger from going in once more. It feels like my soul is splitting open again.

  Wake now. Come to me.

  Nykky’s body collapses to the stone before the memory finally shatters.

  I'm torn from my trance, bolting upright as my hands fly to my wrists. I’m not being held down anymore, but it’s almost like my body doesn’t really know that yet. My heart wants to claw its way out of my chest.

  I’m “safe”. Whatever that means now.

  But I’m shaking uncontrollably and it feels like I’ll never get it under control.

  “No,” I whisper. “He was right there. I could have… I could have…”

  The time is near, Alexios.

  My stomach drops as I still struggle to catch my breath.

  “… The time for what is near?”

  Your first order, of course.

  “But I… I haven’t even learned what to do yet,” I stutter out.

  You will.

  “I don’t know if I even can. Who am I even supposed to kill?”

  The men who murdered your beloved. Do you not seek revenge?

  The memories flood back into my mind. I fold forward, gasping harshly as my hands almost rip at the bedsheets.

  Marquis will go with you. He will guide you.

  “Marquis?” I question.

  But Marquis isn’t here right now. He went out to “hunt”, even though I don’t know what that even means when applied to him. I only know that he isn’t here and the idea of waiting around for his return makes me impatient.

  “I don’t want to wait,” I whisper.

  It would be wise to wait for him, Alexios. This is not meant to be rushed.

  “They’re still alive. They’re breathing and Nykky… he’s dead.”

  Marquis will help you.

  “No,” I snap as my worry turns into rage. “I will not be patient and just sit here while they are still living. Please… tell me where they are. Just tell me.”

  …

  Very well, since you are so eager.

  Before I can ask questions about the location, images of tunnels and a familiar bend in a cavern path appear in my mind. I can reach this place, I know I can.

  “Thank you,” I answer, swinging my legs off the bed quickly.

  Do not disappoint me.

  Revenge burns brighter than my fear as I run out of Marquis’s hideout alone. My boots pound against the ground as I follow the path burned into my mind. I can’t slow down. I can’t think.

  Do you even know how you intend to do this?

  I stumble slightly on a slick patch of stone, but I don’t dare stop running. My burns burn and my legs ache, but I have to keep going.

  “I don’t know,” I admit, gasping loudly. “I’ll figure it out when I get there.”

  You are going to face armed men. These men have already overpowered you once.

  “I know,” I snap. “I don’t fucking care. Nykky is dead and they need to pay.”

  You have no plan.

  “No. I don’t.”

  The tunnels narrow and then widen again. Any sense of caution is completely gone.

  You may die, Alexios.

  “Then I die,” I spit back. “At least I won’t be held down watching him bleed.”

  I can practically feel her amusement in my head.

  Run then, beautiful Alexios. Run.

  My hands are trembling even as I continue running. I have no plan, no weapon. Nothing. I don’t know how to fight them. All I know is that they’re ahead of me somewhere.

  It feels like I’ve been running for hours now. My lungs are on fire and if my legs could talk, they would scream at me.

  Slow down, Alexios. Now. They are close.

  I stagger into the shadows, chest rising and falling rapidly as my heart tries to claw out of my chest. A section of the tunnel opens up into a crumbling cavern. When I peer in, I only count four men. Far fewer than how many attacked us.

  Four men sitting around a fire, unmasked but with weapons in close reach. One laughs at something I can’t hear while another sharpens a blade.

  “Where are the others?” I whisper.

  Gone. Vicious creatures live down here, Alexios. You should understand that. They were careless.

  I look on as the fire in front of them crackles as one of the men spits into it.

  Now, let us think for a moment, yes?

  How do you plan to do this?

  My mouth opens, but I’ve fully lost my train of thought. I stare at the men and the same hands that held me down, scrambling for anything that could possibly resemble a plan.

  “I… I don’t know,” I admit quietly.

  She doesn’t say anything, but I know she’s waiting for my next move.

  “I’ve never done this,” I whisper. “I don’t know how to fight four men. I’ve never killed anyone.”

  The men laugh again while one of them tosses something into the fire.

  I told you it would have been wise to wait for Marquis.

  Every part of me is screaming for me to move and do something, but I’m frozen as I watch the men who took everything from me breathe and laugh like my entire world wasn’t brutally ripped out from under me.

  My fingers close around a loose rock at my feet, far heavier than I expected. This is fucking stupid and reckless, but it’s the only thing I can think of.

  I draw my arm back… and throw. The stone clatters hard against the wall behind me, far louder than I planned for.

  The men freeze instantly.

  “What the hells was that?” one of them snaps as he rises to his feet.

  Another man turns to scan the shadows. I quickly hide behind a large stone, every muscle in my body screaming for me not to move.

  “Probably nothing,” someone mutters.

  “No,” another says. “It could be another one of those wretched hook horrors!”

  They argue until one of them jerks his chin in my direction.

  “Go check it out. Now.”

  Fuck.

  The man grips his sword loosely as he walks.

  “Stupid place,” he mutters, annoyed. “Rocks fall all the damn time.”

  He moves closer…

  And closer.

  I move back into the shadows, hands far too slick with sweat.

  “Hello?” he calls out. “Anyone there?”

  Exhaling deeply, I try not to think. If I do, I won’t move at all. This is it.

  He steps forward again and I launch myself out of the shadows, slamming into him shoulder-first as the impact knocks the breath out of both of us. We hit the ground hard and I scramble on top of him. He curses, trying as hard as he can to shove me off, but I grab another heavy rock and bring it down.

  The crack is sickening and his body goes still instantly, eyes rolling back as the rock falls out of my hands and onto the ground.

  To my surprise, he’s still breathing.

  Alive but barely, I think?

  I don’t know if I should be relieved or terrified right now, but then I hear shouting behind me.

  “What was that?!”

  “Hey… did you hear…?”

  My hands are shaking so badly I can barely keep them under control now, but I try my best to push myself back into the shadows.

  Gods, I actually did something. There’s truly no turning back now, is there?

  I drag the sword free from the unconscious man’s grip with trembling hands. I test it once, awkwardly, before moving back against the stone. The fear in my chest has been replaced by something sharper now.

  Anger.

  Before I can think, a shadow falls over me and then a voice, far too close.

  “There you are!”

  The sword whistles clumsily through the air as the man leaps back, surprised. Then he starts laughing.

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” one of them says. “It’s you!”

  Another squints through the darkness and I can see the exact moment the recognition kicks in.

  “The pretty drow!” he says, grinning widely.

  My hands tighten around the hilt of the sword when one of them steps forward, rolling his shoulders back as he keeps his own sword lowered.

  “Go on then,” he taunts. “Show us what you’re made of, dollface.”

  “Why?!” I scream as fresh tears blur my vision. “Why did you do it? He didn’t do anything… he didn’t deserve…”

  They laugh harder and I can only sob as I rush forward at him.

  But it’s a mistake.

  He sidesteps smoothly as he slams the club into my ribs. Pain envelopes me and I can barely stand upright. I swing again, but it’s too slow. He blocks it without any effort and drives his shoulder into my chest. I’m sent crashing back into the stone wall of the cave.

  The others just watch as they laugh cruelly.

  “Look at him,” one of the men chuckles. “He’s pissed.”

  I growl and lunge again, bringing the sword down with all the strength I have, but his fist slams into my jaw, practically whiting out my vision.

  The sword nearly drops from my hands as I stumble.

  “That all you got, princess?”

  “Fuck you!” I cry out, raw and broken.

  My arms feel too heavy and uncoordinated to swing, but I try again anyway. The man strikes me across the thigh and I cry out as the pain blossoms up and down my leg. I’m sobbing between gasps of breath as both rage and grief pours out of me.

  Screaming out again as I throw myself at him, I’m knocked aside like I’m nothing, hitting the ground hard as the sword flies out of my grasp. My chest heaves as I try to do anything, but I can’t.

  I’m not winning. Not even close. My rage and hunger for revenge is not enough to save me now.

  Rough hands grab at me, fingers curling into the collar of my cloak and pulling me up like I weigh nothing. My feet are barely touching the ground again when a fist slams into my stomach. I rasp sharply, full of humiliation.

  Do better, Alexios.

  “Come on,” the man says, still grinning ear to ear. “Bet you thought you’d get revenge, huh?”

  I snarl and swing, my fist connecting with his jaw as his laughter stops. The impact of it sends a jolt all the way up through my arm, but I don’t care. There’s no time to care right now.

  I hit him again, but this time in the ribs. He grunts loudly, the sound of it fueling me to swing wildly now even as tears stream down my face. Every blow is being fueled by grief, anger, fury and the memory of Nykky’s blood pouring out onto the stone.

  Another hit connects with his cheek this time and the man spits blood from his mouth. I can hear the other men hooting.

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  “Look at that!” one laughs. “The drow’s got something in him after all.”

  Just as I think I’m starting to win, a fist slams into my face, snapping my head sideways so hard that I’m seeing stars. Another slams into my ribs and then back to my jaw again.

  I stagger back again, barely able to stand upright.

  “Oh no,” he mocks. “Don’t slow down now, pretty thing.”

  He hits me again and again, each one landing heavier than the last. My ears are ringing as my mouth fills with the taste of iron. I try to hit back, but they are too desperate and clumsy to actually make contact.

  He’s laughing again. They all are.

  “Gods, this is better than the little wood elf,” one of them cackles. “At least you fight back!”

  I scream as something inside me finally breaks, throwing myself forward as my fists fly. To my surprise, one connects with his nose with a sickening crunch. He curses and stumbles back a step or two.

  Now the laughter is even louder.

  “Oh, the pretty whore is angry! Careful now… he might cry on you!”

  The man growls and answers my last hit with a brutal slam to my ribs. I fold forward and his knee slams into my stomach, fully knocking every last bit of air out of my ribs.

  He grabs my face and forces me to look straight into his eyes. Then he hits me again and I’m on the ground, tasting stone as I collapse fully now. Every breath hurts now and my arms feel heavy and useless while blood spills from my mouth.

  This is it. I know it by the way the men stop circling me.

  I close my eyes and see Nykky’s face again. Bright, beautiful, unafraid. It’s time to go home to him now. I’m done for anyway…

  CRACK!

  Heat slams into the air suddenly as a line of fire snaps between me and the men, hissing as it strikes the ground. Sparks scatter and the men recoil instantly, shouting as they stumble back.

  “What the…”

  I look up, dazed, and quickly glimpse blond hair and a red cloak flowing freely with power.

  Marquis stands at the edge of the cavern with a whip of living flame coiled tightly in his hand.

  “That is enough,” he says sharply.

  The men can only stare at him, eyes wide with shock.

  “What in the hells is this?” one snaps.

  Marquis doesn’t answer. He simply flicks his wrist and the fire whip snaps forward again to crack on the stone at their feet. One of the men stumbles back in fear.

  Marquis glances over at me as I stay slumped over on the ground.

  “Stay where you are, Alexios.”

  The men back away even more and I begin to realize… maybe I won’t die here. Not yet at least.

  One of the men charges straight through the heat with his blade raised while another keeps his eyes locked on me.

  “Kill them!” the other shouts.

  I try to move, but my body can’t catch up in the moment. Marquis steps in front of me without even looking back.

  “No,” he says simply.

  Marquis raises his hands again as his fingers quickly move in some kind of pattern. The men freeze mid-stride. One is caught with his weapon half-raised while another is twisted awkwardly, his body refusing to obey him. The third is frozen on one knee, eyes wide with terror.

  I attempt to stand, but my body has nothing left to give. Before I can roughly fall back down to the ground, Marquis lowers me carefully until I’m sitting against a stone wall, my chest still heaving.

  “I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I should have waited.”

  “Yes,” he says. “Yes, you should have.”

  He turns back to the men and I can see them trying to speak, but nothing comes out. The pain in my ribs flares. I don’t feel strong or victorious at all.

  I feel even more broken somehow, but I’m alive. That has to mean something, right?

  “I couldn’t…. I thought…”

  “I know, Alexios. But this was dangerous.”

  I nod quickly, fresh tears blurring my vision again.

  “I won’t do it again, I promise.”

  “Do not make that promise” he says, turning to face me again. “We need to deal with this now. Her orders were clear.”

  I force myself to look at the men.

  Finish what you started.

  “I will,” I say, still shaking. “Just… just let me…”

  You need to drink from them, Alexios.

  “What?” I practically yell, eyes wide with shock.

  Marquis leans down and presses his hands to my chest. Soon, warmth spreads through my body as a healing spell floods me.

  “What did she say?” he asks, blue eyes snapping up sharply to me.

  “She wants me to… she wants me to drink from them. I don’t know how to do that. How am I supposed to… why?”

  It is for me, my darling.

  Do this for me.

  Show me you can follow orders.

  I do not care if it is messy.

  I shake my head as the panic rises.

  “How?” I plead with her. “Tell me how.”

  Marquis sighs.

  “I did not expect her to ask that of you.”

  My mouth opens, fully intent on asking him what he means, but before I can, he reaches to the side and draws his dagger out from its sheath, holding it out to me, hilt first. My hands quiver as I take it.

  I turn my face to look at the men, still helpless and terrified as my stomach churns violently. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand her, for fuck’s sake.

  But Nykky is dead and these men…

  They are still breathing.

  My grip on the dagger tightens as I rise, confusion and dread twisting inside even as I take a step forward.

  Moving to the nearest man, I drop to my knees in front of him.

  Go on, Alexios.

  Marquis stands behind me, not making any move to stop me. My eyes squeeze close, but then I open them and the blade slides across the man’s neck in a single line. Blood pours out shockingly fast. My stomach rolls over as I open my mouth to let the first thick streams fall past my lips.

  I choke, gagging as I almost drop the dagger while the blood floods my tongue and throat.

  This…

  This is devotion in its most beautiful form.

  “That’s… that’s fucking horrible…” I cough.

  My stomach pushes me to retch as my chest heaves.

  Again.

  “No,” I sob. “Please…”

  Again, Alexios.

  My whole body trembles. I don’t want to taste it again, but my hands move anyway. I drag the blade against another man’s neck and force the blood into my mouth once again, swallowing despite myself. My throat burns.

  But she…

  She’s reveling in it.

  Beautiful.

  You are absolutely beautiful, do you realize this?

  I sob openly now, hot blood smeared across my lips, chin and clothes. No matter how hard I swallow, the taste is still there. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand like it might erase it. The man’s eyes roll back as the final bits of life fade from him.

  “Alexios.”

  Looking up, I find Marquis holding the other man by the collar. He drags him closer until the man is right in front of me, positioning him carefully.

  “You must end it,” he says quietly.

  “I…” I try to say, but my voice cracks. “I don’t… I can’t…”

  “You can,” Marquis replies firmly. “You must. Do not do this just for her. Do it for you. Do this for Nykolai.”

  Yes. Listen to Marquis.

  Kill. Now.

  You do not have to drink from this one. I have been fulfilled for now.

  I look at the man, how small and afraid he looks now.

  And then I see Nykky again. Not dying but laughing and singing softly under his breath while he looks at me like I’ve given him the world.

  The dagger raises. Every instinct in me screams don’t, but Marquis steps closer.

  “I will not allow you to lose yourself in this moment,” he whispers. “But it would be wrong of me to take this from you.”

  This is your moment. Take it.

  I scream wildly, driving the blade forward to bury it into his chest. The man jerks violently as a gargled sound spills from his mouth. As Marquis’s magic suddenly releases him, his body collapses to the ground.

  Something inside me feels… wrong now and it scares me far more than the screaming ever could. I’m breathing hard, desperate to catch my breath when I hear another voice groan.

  Oh shit.

  My head snaps up.

  The man I knocked unconscious is waking up, groaning softly as he tries to push himself upright. He blinks, confused and unfocused until his eyes land on me.

  “It’s you,” he says hoarsely.

  I don’t want to fucking hear it. I don’t want another word about Nykky or about what this bastard thinks I deserve.

  My body hurts, but I slam into him as hard as I can to knock him back down. His hands come up in an attempt to push me off as I straddle him, dagger raised.

  “You killed him!” I growl. “You were there!”

  The memory of rough hands holding me down fills my mind as I bring the dagger down through his chest. He screams and I scream with him as his blood spurts out on my face, neck, hands and chest.

  I stab again…

  And again…

  And again.

  I refuse to stop until I can hear nothing but my ragged attempts at breathing. When I finally pull back, I’m shaking so violently that I can barely hold myself upright. I can’t stop crying. Marquis is there immediately, with one hand gripping my shoulder.

  My eyes take in the scene around me and something cold and far too hollow settles inside of me. They’re all dead.

  “It is done now,” he says softly. “Allow yourself to rest. Nykolai can rest now as well.”

  You did beautifully. Well done, Alexios.

  I curl up and put my hands over my ears like it might block her out.

  “No. No, I didn’t.”

  My chest locks up tightly, breath stuttering and breaking as I try to pull in air that won’t come in. My hands claw at my own chest in some shitty attempt to hold myself together.

  “Oh gods…” I gasp, as I dissolve back into mournful sobs. “I can’t breathe… I can’t… I can’t… help… help me.”

  The cave feels too close, too loud and too full of blood. My arms wrap tightly around the middle of my body as I rock helplessly, but then firm hands are back on my shoulders again.

  Marquis has moved to crouch in front of me now to block my view of the bodies and force my focus on him.

  “Alexios… you must look at me.”

  I’m trying. I’m fucking trying, dammit.

  “Breathe,” he says slowly before inhaling to give me something to mirror.

  I drag a shaky breath in.

  “Out,” he says.

  An exhale comes, but so does another sob.

  “That is it. Again, Alexios.”

  He leads me through it again. My chest still hurts and my hands are still shaking, but everything isn’t spinning as violently as it was. I can hear him fully now.

  “You are safe,” Marquis reminds me. “It is over. They cannot hurt you again.”

  I shake my head weakly, but he guides my forehead into his shoulder. I cling to him desperately without even thinking.

  “I… I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel… right.”

  “I know,” he replies. “That is alright. I am here with you.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, completely wrecked now. “I’m so sorry.”

  “For doing what needed to be done?” he asks softly.

  I don’t answer. I simply can’t.

  Marquis exhales and runs his fingers through my matted hair to keep me from falling apart any further.

  “Come,” he says gently. “It is time to go back now.”

  I nod against him, too broken to even argue.

  Marquis helps me to my feet, keeping his arm around me as I almost stumble again. I let him guide me away from the bodies and back to his hideout, sobbing quietly as I realize I’ve crossed a line I can never return from.

  --

  If it wasn’t for Marquis, I’d be falling apart as soon as we reach the hideout. I should feel safe now, but everything is hitting harder like my body is finally catching up to what I’ve done.

  My hands won’t stop shaking and reaching for Marquis, even as he closes the door behind us.

  “It is alright now, Alexios. Let yourself breathe fully.”

  Another violent sob is pulled from me, but Marquis is already holding me up again.

  “I can’t,” I choke out. “I can’t stop seeing Nykky.”

  “I know,” he says softly.

  He leads me to the bath slowly, knowing I’ll break completely if he rushes. I’m helped out of my ruined clothes, piece by piece as Marquis loosens straps and slides the fabric of my cloak away from my shoulders.

  I start crying even harder as soon as my body is free.

  The bath is prepared slowly. Finally, warm steam rises from the basin and Marquis guides me down into the water, slowly helping me sit as the heat attempts to relax my muscles. He kneels beside the basin and dips a cloth into the water before lifting it to my arms.

  “I miss him,” I sob brokenly. “Gods, I miss him so much. He should be here, Marquis. He should… he should…”

  The words are gone and I can do nothing but pull my legs into myself to rest my chin on my knees.

  “You loved each other very much,” he says gently.

  I nod.

  “I don’t know who I am without him,” I say through tears. “How am I supposed to stay alive?”

  “It is not required of you to figure that out in one night, Alexios.”

  The tears slip down my cheeks and into the bathwater as Marquis washes my arms, then moves to clean my hands.

  “I just want him back,” I whisper. “I’d give the gods anything they wanted to have him back.”

  “I know you would.”

  He pours warm water over my shoulders before moving to my hair, rinsing away the blood and sweat as his fingers comb gently through my hair to untangle it.

  “Your love for him will never leave you,” Marquis says. “Even though he is gone. It will find a home in your heart, though it feels like only grief lives there now.”

  I press my face into my hands as my shoulder shake intensely.

  “You’ve lost a lot of people, haven’t you?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  He doesn’t elaborate and I decide not to ask any further questions. When he finishes bathing me, he drapes a towel around my shoulders and helps me out of the bath, holding me steady even as my legs wobble.

  Once I’m dried off, I’m wrapped in a warm blanket as he guides me to sit down. I just lean into him, far too exhausted and broken to do anything else at this point. I barely know this man, but he feels like the only steady thing I have left now.

  The rest of the world has taken far too much from me.

  “We need to leave, Alexios.”

  I look up at him, eyes still swollen from crying.

  “To the surface?”

  “Yes,” he answers softly. “Soon, if you are able. But you will rest first, of course.”

  The idea of seeing above ground feels… unreal. This is another life entirely. I don’t know anything outside of Menzoberranzan.

  “There is an old outpost not far from here,” Marquis adds in. “It lies abandoned but once belonged to Sel?ne worshippers. They built a passage leading up.”

  “Marquis…”

  “We have no further business here. You know that. The queen has what she wants for now, but she will call on you again.”

  I exhale a shaky breath.

  “I don’t know if I can survive being up there.”

  A small smile graces his mouth.

  “You will be surprised by what you are capable of surviving, Alexios.”

  “Nykky loved being above ground,” I whisper suddenly without thinking. “He used to tell me stories about the High Forest and how the warm sun felt on his skin.”

  Marquis adjusts the blanket around my shoulders and I feel his lips press against the crown of my head.

  “Rest now. I shall prepare what we need.”

  As he stands, I watch him move through the hideout in a graceful stride. Leaving this place won’t fix what’s been broken, I know this. But even as I sit here, missing Nykky so badly that it feels like my heart will rip violently out of my chest, a glimpse of hope begins to rise.

  --

  The abandoned outpost is far quieter than I expect it to be. It almost feels like it’s completely separate from the rest of the Underdark. Old Sel?nite markings are barely visible under all the dust, half-visible crescents glowing slightly as our torches pass over them before fading back into the darkness once more.

  I clutch the straps of the pack Marquis gave me. Nykky’s urn rests inside and with every step I take, I’m fully aware that if I stumble or fall, it’ll feel like failing him all over again.

  “I’ve never been above ground before,” I blurt out. “I don’t know what it’s like. What if I can’t…”

  Marquis slows down instantly and matches my pace.

  “I am aware of this,” he says matter-of-factly. “It will not hurt you. Not in the way you are imagining, that is.”

  “You don’t know that,” I say, almost in a full panic. “I’ve… I’ve never seen the sky before!”

  “Alexios.”

  I inhale and exhale deeply, trying to steady my breath. The tunnel slopes upwards and the idea makes my stomach knot.

  “Do… do all of the queen’s followers get a mentor?” I ask suddenly in a poor attempt to take my mind off of the looming unknown.

  Marquis stays silent for longer than I expect.

  “It is complicated,” he says finally. “It is… rare for a follower to be as you are.”

  I frown.

  “Complicated how? What does that mean… ‘like you’?”

  He sighs softly.

  “You are… different.”

  That doesn’t answer anything at all, but I’m starting to realize that’s Marquis.

  “Why me?”

  “That is also complicated.”

  I scoff, but we walk in silence for a bit longer, jumping slightly when the smallest feeling of a draft brushes against my face. Now I’m far too anxious again to stay quiet.

  “Is the woman coming with us? Phaedra?”

  Marquis nods.

  “Yes. She has likely already made it to my home in Mezro.”

  I bite my bottom lip softly.

  “Is she your lover?” I blurt out.

  That makes him chuckle softly.

  “That is even more complicated. Perhaps the most complicated answer I could ever think to give you.”

  I groan softly and run a hand down my face.

  “Is there anything about this that isn’t complicated, Marquis?”

  He actually smiles at me now, but… there’s sadness in it too. More than I think I’ll ever have the right to know.

  “No,” he says simply. “There is not.”

  Well, at least it’s an honest answer.

  I adjust the pack on my shoulders to make sure Nykky is still secure before I keep walking upward, step by step. The air is growing thinner and unfamiliar.

  I’m terrified, but I keep walking towards something I’ve never seen before, carrying the person I love most on my back, guided by a strange, pale man who I’ve only known for roughly three days.

  The climb stretches on, even as my legs ache. Marquis never seems to tire though. His pace stays unhurried and even, almost like this isn’t pressing in on him the same way it does to me.

  He reaches out from underneath his cloak and pulls a wrapped piece of dried Rothé meat. I expect him to eat it himself, but instead… he holds it out to me. I accept it gratefully.

  But I can’t help but realize that I’ve never seen him eat.

  Not once.

  He doesn’t eat the dried meat, cavern fruit or anything else travelers would desperately try to feed on to stay alive. He offers me food without comment but never takes any himself.

  I frown slightly as the straps of the pack fall down my shoulders ever so slightly. Have I ever seen Marquis hungry?

  He’s certainly never distracted or slowed down by it. He doesn’t talk about meals or stop for them either. When we rest… it’s for me.

  Hunting, Marquis said before he left the hideout. He said it so casually, like it should mean something obvious and I’m supposed to just… understand.

  My eyes watch him closely as he walks ahead. He blinks, but not often. He breathes, but it always seems far too shallow to actually pull air in.

  What are you really, Marquis?

  I don’t ask, much too afraid of whatever answer he might give me.

  We walk for a long time after that and the Sel?nite markings have already vanished entirely by now. Finally, Marquis stops and presses his hands against what looks like solid rock, but there’s a soft, grinding sound as a seam appears where there definitely wasn’t one before.

  The air feels damp now.

  Marquis pushes through just enough to reveal a narrow opening.

  “This is it, Alexios.”

  We step through and the stone door closes behind, sealing the tunnel away. The walls of the cave are slick with moisture. I can hear water dripping from somewhere not too far off. I stop, my heart pounding like a drum.

  I take a shaky breath as I clutch the straps of the pack again, eyes narrowing at the cave stretching out ahead of us.

  Here I am standing at the threshold between the known and unknown, realizing that I’ve spent all of my life in the dark. As we walk further, the air starts to smell like things I don’t even really have the words for. It doesn’t smell like blood… or violence… or death. Still caught up in my thoughts, I almost don’t realize that Marquis has slowed.

  “It is night,” he says softly. “That will be good for me.”

  I don’t bother to ask what in the hells that means. Besides, I don’t think I could speak even if I tried. We reach the mouth of the cave slowly, vines pouring over the entrance to keep it hidden from the world.

  Marquis turns to me.

  “Are you ready, Alexios?”

  No! No, I’m not ready.

  I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where we are going.

  I don’t even know who or what you really are.

  What if I die?

  What if…

  I nod and Marquis reaches for my hand. Hesitantly, I take it before stepping through the wall of vines.

  The sky…

  Holy hells, the sky.

  The sheer beauty of it feels like I’ve been hit in the gut. I stagger forward, breath leaving me in a heaping mess as my eyes are pulled upwards. There’s no stone. No roof. No end.

  Stars twinkle across the sky by the thousands while the moon hangs above me. The silver light pours over my skin… and it doesn’t hurt. It just shines like it owns the sky. I think it does. I think it owns me as well now.

  I drop to the ground much harder than I mean to, my fingers splaying out through the grass underneath me. It’s soft and alive. My lungs refuse to work and I sob openly as the enormity of seeing this overwhelms me.

  “Oh gods,” I whimper through my tears. “Oh gods…”

  The sky feels too big for my body. Too big for the only life I’ve known.

  Nykky…

  Oh, my sweet Nykolai.

  My hands fumble with the straps of my pack as I clumsy pull it off my shoulders. Finally, the urn is in my hands and I clutch it tightly to my chest for a few heartbeats. Then, I’m raising it with shaking arms towards the open sky and the stars.

  Towards the moon he gushed about in his songs.

  “Nykky,” I sob, even as my voice threatens to fail me. “Look… look, my love.”

  Mountains stretch as far as the eyes can see, and my tears burn when I lift the urn upwards even more, holding it out like an offering to the moon itself.

  “You can see it again,” I cry out. “You can finally see the surface again. The sky… oh gods, the sky. You were right, it’s so beautiful, Nykky… you were right…”

  My voice falls into violent sobs and I press the urn to my forehead, then to my lips before lifting it again just to simply show him like he might be able to feel this through me somehow.

  “You’re back,” I choke. “I’m so sorry it took so long. I’m sorry you had to die to see it… but you’re… you’re here now. You’re here. We’re here.”

  The night breeze brushes through my hair and caresses my face like a hand that knows me. For a moment, it feels like the moonlight is holding Nykky too. I pull the urn back to my chest as I lean forward to sob into the ground, tears dropping into the dirt below me as grief, awe and love flood me all at once.

  I can feel Marquis kneeling behind me. He drapes his cloak over my shoulders while I break under the impossibly infinite night sky. My entire life has been nothing but darkness and stone. Brutality and violence. But now as I hold the ashes of the man I planned to marry under a sky with no end, I realize that my world didn’t end when Nykky died. It will keep going… and so will I.

  I must.

  For him. For Nykolai.