Tundra, Standard Year 404 After Founding

  She was sitting by Tony’s side, near the back of the shuttle transporting them down to the planet. Behind them, the last few rows had been removed, to make room for antigrav wheelchairs. Danil and Gregory sat one row back. Upon landing, Danil would be taken to a local hospital, and the Gray Serpent’s doctor said it would be at least a week before he was fully released. The other Sarayans were still on the Gray Serpent. The prison transport would pick them up later, and take them directly to the prison. Alanna closed her eyes, thinking back on the first time she saw Tundra, the first time she saw the fleet of nuclear warheads encircling the planet. Remembering the weight of those manacles around her wrists. She flexed her hands, subconsciously reaching for the gun at her side. This trip was better.

  “So, no job.” Tony said from his seat by her side.

  “No job.” Alanna agreed. She had thanked captain Arden, truly and sincerely, for the offer. But she had declined. And now, she was headed back down to Tundra. To James. The planet below them was now completely covered in ice and the gray swirl of storm clouds, lit up by flashes of lightning so bright she could see it from the shuttle, thousands of miles above the planet. And she was engaged. Officially. Nothing short of screaming no at the top of her lungs would have stopped James from doing what he intended to do. Perhaps not even that. But then, she hadn’t tried. She was engaged. And alive. She wasn’t sure which of those two outcomes was the more surprising. “Thanks again for, you know.” She turned to Tony, not quite sure how to finish that thought.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Moving up in the world, lieutenant commander.” Danil called out from behind her.

  “Sure. I could still be serving under Bernard Bernhard.” Alanna called back.

  “Unemployment’s looking better by the minute.” Danil agreed. “How long will half a million Tundran credits last?”

  “A few years, if you’re careful.” Gregory said from his seat next to him. “You’re all gonna have to get jobs at some point. Well, maybe not her.” He nodded towards Alanna. “But Samantha Hawk has a job.”

  “His mom.” Tony explained helpfully.

  “What does she do?”

  “Kills people.” Gregory responded, deadpan.

  “Professionally.” Tony nodded.

  “More professionally than you?” Alanna asked. “That would be pretty damn professional.” She vaguely recalled James mentioning that his mother was a sniper. But the way everyone was talking made it sound like there was even more to it than that. Alanna had been sniper trained. No one ever described her as professionally killing people.

  “More professionally than anyone.” Tony responded.

  “Ok seriously, what does that mean?”

  “It means you should be very polite to Samantha Hawk.” Someone called out.

  “No one makes Sarayans disappear better than Samantha Hawk.” Someone else added.

  “She bakes great pie.” Alanna said weakly.

  “She really does.” Tony agreed.

  They were past the nuclear warheads now, and she could see the texture and swirls of the gray storm clouds below, the green lightning illuminating entire sectors of space as it flashed across the planet. And then they were there, hitting the turbulent clouds at a smooth angle, but nothing could protect the shuttle from the ferocity of the Tundran storm. Pale, Alanna grabbed her armrests, holding on with whitened knuckles as the shuttle was tossed by the wind. Her stomach lurched. Once they were through the clouds, the whole world was gleaming white snow and ice, and the hulking gray structures that made up Megalodon City, reaching out like giant fingers towards the sky. The lights in the windows of the buildings below were already on, in spite of the weak Tundran sun shining through the clouds from high overhead. The landing itself was surprisingly smooth, but the shuttle continued to rock, battered by the wind, as it coasted on towards the elevator banks that would take them all back into the space port. She was alive, she was engaged, and she was home.

  “Welcome home.” Tony said. “Let James handle the press.”

  ---

  She had to leave Danil behind. Those in wheelchairs would get taken out last, and the captain herself had ordered Alanna to go first. She walked down the center isle of the air transport shuttle, luggage in hand, trying to ignore the whistles and cat calls of the rest of the crew as she headed out.

  “Pike!” Someone called out, for no discernible reason she could think of.

  “Pike, Pike Pike!” Others echoed.

  Alanna closed her eyes for a brief moment. Clearly, she was not living that down. It was captain Arden who turned around, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Let me handle the press.” She said.

  Alanna nodded. This time, a heated tunnel connected the shuttle to the elevator banks. She assumed that this deep into the Tundran winter, it was no longer safe to be exposed to the elements, not even for the few steps it would take to get from the shuttle to the elevators. The smaller group inside the elevator banks was quieter. So quiet, she could hear the whirr of machinery as the elevator made its way down, and further down, towards the space port below. It took longer this time, and Alanna realized the depth of the snow must be even greater than before. Dozens, maybe hundreds of feet of snow, laying over her head as they made their way down. Jonno would have made a great joke about going down into your own grave, Alanna thought. Just how much press was there going to be?

  And then the elevator doors opened, and James was there, and she forgot everything else. His arms wrapped around her, holding her so tight she couldn’t catch her breath. She didn’t care. She hugged him back, holding on as tight as she could, listening to the beat of his heart as she pressed her head against his chest.

  “Walk out with me.” James whispered against her ear. He grabbed her by the hand, his fingers crushing hers as he reluctantly released her from his embrace. “And let me handle the press.” He added.

  Somehow, her instinct to question every order and suspect every motive failed her. Unthinkingly, Alanna followed. It was nothing like the press that met her on her way to the prison. That had been a handful of journalists, a few cameras flashing from a distance. This was not that. Lights flashed, illuminating the dim interior of the spaceport, the sound of dozens of voices echoed through the space that was too small to contain the crowd.

  “Don’t hide.” James said, his hand tightening on hers.

  And again, Alanna followed orders, stepping forward to stand by his side.

  “I’m going to make a statement.” Captain Arden’s clear voice rose up over the noise. Quiet descended.

  Her voice is made for this, Alanna thought as she stopped to listen, along with everyone else.

  “Lieutenant commander Summers served honorably during her mission on Titan.” Captain Arden paused, letting the silence descend and ensuring the rest of her words would not be missed. “Both times.” She added. “In the first battle of Titan, she led the Sarayans to their only victory. The forty three who took our ship did so under her command. And this time, it was our people she led to victory. A secret Sarayan station orbiting Titan has been taken, intact.” Captain Arden paused again. “And not a single Tundran life was lost. We all extend our gratitude to the lieutenant commander, who led this mission, for her bravery and valor in the line of duty.”

  Captain Arden stopped, nodding to one of the reporters in the crowd. “You have a question?” She asked.

  The woman leaned forward slightly. “Captain Arden, why did you permit a traitor to serve on your ship? Why should any of us believe that Alanna Summers deserves our trust?”

  Silence descended over the room, as everyone held their breath, waiting for the response.

  “Alanna Summers was never a traitor.” Captain Arden spoke into the silence. “I am authorized to disclose that after her decision to surrender on D12, the Sarayan government formally renounced their association with Sarayan Navy Lieutenant Alanna Summers, releasing her from her military oath and remanding her unconditionally into our custody.” Captain Arden smiled slightly, giving the press a moment to digest this news. “A full record of the exchange will be released by the end of today, with the support and endorsement” Captain Arden gave a meaningful smile towards James Hawk and Alanna, standing side by side, their hands intertwined “with the full support and endorsement” she continued “of President Hawk’s administration. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, that will be all.”

  Still somewhat in shock, Alanna followed James as he made his way towards the press. Seemingly out of nowhere, a group of people in unfamiliar gray uniforms appeared, the letters TSS embroidered in black on their gray sleeves. James continued walking without pause, trusting the Tundran Secret Service to do their job and clear the way as he walked down towards his car.

  “Captain Hawk!” A dozen voices called out.

  “Will you fight all her battles for her?” Someone shouted the question, without waiting to be called. Alanna turned to look into the eyes of another reporter, his face surprisingly close. His voice carried. The man raised an eyebrow. The question had been directed to James, but the reporter was looking directly at Alanna, knowing he hit a sore spot, challenging Alanna to break her silence.

  “Yes.” James said, stepping between them. “Yes, I will.”

  Doing her very best to channel Tony’s poker face, Alanna showed no reaction.

  “Does she need you to?” The man pressed. Sensing the potential for drama, the other journalists once again quieted down, letting the intrepid reporter take the lead. “Why the head on a pike, lieutenant commander?” The man called out into the silence. “What kind of a monster are you, to do this to your own people?”

  “Captain Bernard Bernhard was never my people.” Alanna said into the silence. “And he had it coming.”

  ---

  Alanna sat quietly as James pulled out of the parking garage, onto the ice tunnel road beyond the space port. The journalists left them behind, as if there were some unspoken rules about where they could ask their questions. The front seat of the sleek black vehicle embraced her, the heated leather feeling nearly alive under her hesitant touch. She sat back, listening to the soft purr of the engine and staring out at the gleaming walls of ice towering all around her. Her hands were shaking. She studied his hands on the steering wheel as he drove with easy confidence. A stranger, and the person she trusted most on this giant, ice covered planet.

  “Still alive.” She said.

  The smile he shot her way made her feel just a little warmer. It wasn’t a stranger’s smile. It was something else. “Team effort.” He said shortly. It had not been easy, keeping Alanna alive. Keeping them all alive. But they had done it. They had won.

  “Did I screw that up?” Alanna asked, turning towards him. “With the journalists?”

  James shook his head, placing one hand along the exposed back of her neck, smiling slightly as she shivered, leaning towards him. “You were honest. And it was perfect. With the journalists, on Titan, in prison. You were perfect, Alanna. And if you had been anything less, every one of us would be broken beyond repair. Me, Tony, my father. You were perfect. And you belong here.”

  Alanna looked up at the ice towering all around her. An endless tunnel of ice. “You’re insane.” She whispered.

  James smiled. “I’m right.”

  “What I said to the reporters…”

  “Father will release a record of what we found in the brig. It will make you look like a hero, which you are, and help silence those who question the sincerity of your commitment to Tundra.” His hand reached higher, winding through the mass of silky hair along the back of her head. It was good to be home.

  “Why would your father help? I don’t know if you picked up on the subtle cues here, but he hates me.”

  “His personal views are irrelevant.” James said. “Father will protect the family. And whether he likes it or not, that includes you.”

  “Insane.” Alanna shook her head.

  “I’ll take care of my father. Trust me. I know that’s a lot to ask, under the circumstances. But believe it or not, I don’t make mistakes often.” James sighed. “I didn’t see him coming. I should have, but I didn’t.”

  “What if…”

  “No what ifs. He’s made mistakes too. And I want this more than he does. Trust me to win this, Alanna. Please.”

  “I trust you to win.” Alanna said, somewhat hesitantly.

  “And everything else?” James asked, looking over at her out of the corner of his eye. She still looked small and scared, he thought. And then, because he wanted to, he pulled her closer, until she was halfway out of her seat, the warmth of her pressed up against his side.

  “Everything else I trust less.” Alanna said softly into his shoulder, breathing in the now familiar scent. She pressed in closer.

  “What do you trust least of all?” He asked.

  Alanna shook her head, no longer looking out at the road.

  “You don’t want to tell me?”

  “Not especially.”

  “You can tell me later.” James said, his voice softening. “I’m going to take you home.”

  “With the big bathtub?” Alanna asked, somewhat wistfully.

  “Huge. More than big enough for two.”

  “More than?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “Do you often have more than two people in your bathtub?”

  “This feels like a trap.” James murmured, his hand stroking down her side, towards her hip. “Does it hurt?” He asked. She had been shot. His other hand tightened on the steering wheel. She had been shot. And if his father wasn’t the only hope Tundra had of beating Saraya…

  “No pain. The skin still doesn’t look quite right, but there’s no pain. It was just a flesh wound. I’m fine.”

  A flesh wound that burned off over two square feet of her skin, James thought. He had seen the medical records. His arm tightened around her, before he forced himself to loosen his grip. He wasn’t accustomed to feeling this kind of rage. It was unlike him. “My mom had a similar wound.” He said suddenly, surprising himself. It was easy, talking to Alanna. “Not just a flesh wound. Further in.” He moved his hand from her hip, further down until it covered the lower part of her stomach. James smiled in satisfaction as she shifted her body towards him, welcoming his touch. But even that couldn’t distract him. The fear rode with him, impossible to forget. “And that’s why she only has one child.” He continued. “My existence, is inexplicable. She shouldn’t have been able to have children at all. Just a few inches over.” Once again, his hand tightened around her. “No more military service, Alanna. Forget what I said. Forget about serving on the Black Hawk. Forget all of it. I want you home. I want you safe.”

  Alanna looked out as the road passed by before her eyes, and thought about the planet that was Tundra, and the people that lived there. Only two hundred years apart from Saraya, they spoke the same language, came from the same distant planet that was old earth. They were so similar, and yet… very different. She wasn’t so foolish as to believe she understood Tundrans. But she understood some things. “Are your parents close?” She asked.

  “Yeah, they’re close.”

  Alanna closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the chasm between them. He wasn’t just Tundran. He had grown up wealthy, loved. What could he have in common with a Sarayan orphan? “What did your mother do?” She asked, not wanting to voice any of her other thoughts. “No one will give me a straight answer. Like it’s some sort of a great mystery. What did she do?”

  “It’s not a mystery.” James said with a slight smile, taking an exit off the main road as they neared his apartment. “You know the William Thornhill administration? His cabinet?”

  “Sure, they were the ones that…” Alanna paused. “they were the ones that died.” A professional killer, Tony had said, laughter in his voice. Every member of William Thornhill’s administration had died under suspicious circumstances. Someone had hunted them down, one by one. The killer had never been found.

  “Yeah, that was mom. William Thornhill made the decision to attack Tundra. To attack Dragon City.” James looked out at the road, listening to the soft purr of the engine. “So, she killed them. Every single one. It took her nearly a decade.”

  Some of them probably didn’t agree with it, Alanna thought. But she said nothing, ice creeping up her spine. It took her nearly a decade. But she had killed them all.

  “Some of them probably didn’t support the decision.” James said out loud, echoing her thoughts. “I asked mom about that once.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She said they should have tried harder.”

  Alanna shivered. “What does she do now?”

  “She teaches at the academy. Sniper training.”

  “So if I were to disappear…”

  “You won’t disappear. My mother will love you.”

  “Because if she didn’t…?”

  “She will.” James said firmly.

  “She’s been to Saraya.” Alanna said, trying to keep the wistfulness out of her voice. “Did she hate it?”

  “Sweetheart, it’s not like she was there for fun. But she didn’t hate all of it.” James turned in again, this time into a covered garage inside his building. “She’s told me a lot of stories, about Saraya. She liked the food. She even made me some of it when I was a kid.”

  “Really?” Alanna looked over at him, her eyes brightening. “What did she make?”

  “Ah.” James smiled as the memories returned, sitting at their dining table with his parents, his mom in the kitchen, his father watching her from his chair by the fire. “She made that bread, with the green stuff in it. Dad wouldn’t stop making fun of her over that. He kept saying, green things don’t go in bread. But I liked it.”

  “Herbed bread?”

  “That sounds right. Come on.” James pulled into a parking spot and held out his hand. “Are you ready to see your new home?”

  Alanna took his hand, stopping him as he was about to exit the car. “Do you think your father wanted her in danger?” She asked quietly. “Or you?”

  James leaned across the front seat towards her, framing her face with his hands. “No.” He said. “And I know the point you’re trying to make. But that was then. We were weaker, then. Weaker and angrier, as we all rose up from the ashes of Dragon City. Father does what he does, so we don’t have to make the sacrifices he made. And I won’t. I won’t put you in danger again. I do enough. Now come on, it’s time to go home.” He got out of the car, walking around to let her out. Drawing her out by both hands, James closed the door and pressed her up against the car, trapping her easily. “Soon.” He added. “We’ll go home soon.”

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  A while later and still somewhat flushed, Alanna followed James up through the parking garage, towards what she assumed would be the elevator. James carried her bag in one hand, his duffel slung over his shoulder as his other hand held her tightly, leading the way. There were none of the crowds she had seen on the first floor of Tony’s building. The garage was private, and mostly empty. They saw two people on their way to the elevator banks, both of whom nodded in their general direction, but made an effort to remain polite and avoid staring. Alanna breathed a sigh of relief as they entered the elevator alone. James scanned his wrist comm, and then they were carried up, towards what would be her new home. Maybe. Maybe for a little while.

  “I’ll get you a wrist comm tomorrow.” James offered. “There won’t be time tonight, but I’ll take care of it before I head back out.”

  Alanna glanced over at him, startled. “When?” She asked, unconsciously tightening her grip on his hand.

  “Not long. Not this time. I’m sorry.” James looked away, suddenly avoiding her eyes.

  And that terrified her more than walking onto Bernard’s ship. Because she could see that James, arrogant, self confident James, was worried about his next mission. And then they were there, walking out of the elevator into a neglected looking indoor garden, towards three sets of double glass doors. And winding down the middle of the garden, was a stream. Alanna walked across the small arched wooden bridge, shivering in the cool air. It was far colder than what the temperature had been on the Black Hawk or the Gray Serpent. She peered into the stream, finding the water teeming with life. A glowing something that looked like a cross between a flower and a tentacled monster floated by, pulsing softly. A large silver fish swam by so quickly it looked like a streak of lightning across the surface of the water. A multicolored snail moved slowly along the bottom, carrying an intricately twisted shell on its back. “Wow.” She breathed.

  “You like the garden?” James asked. “It hasn’t gotten a lot of attention lately.”

  “It’s beautiful.” Alanna said without reservation, leaning down to pick up mint from an abandoned mint patch, she breathed in the clean, fresh scent. In spite of the cold, it smelled like life. Like living, growing things. The smell she had always, until now, associated with Saraya. “I love it.” She looked up at the lights overhead. Since they were inside, the lights must be made to mirror the spectrum of their sun, or perhaps even the earth’s sun, so that the plants could grow. The warmth they exuded felt wonderful on her skin, and it was already getting warmer. She suddenly wanted to peel off that damn uniform and bask in the light.

  “You’re thinking it’s just like Saraya right now, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.” Alanna nodded. “Yes, I am.” It was certainly more like Saraya than anywhere else she had been over the past several years.

  “Fine.” James shook his head, pulling her along towards the apartment. “Just don’t tell anyone.” He led her through the middle set of glass doors, towards a hallway that was only slightly larger than Tony’s. By Sarayan standards, it was small. The hallway was lined with doors on each side, dark Tundran wood finished to a gloss so bright it felt like walking past a wall of mirrors. Opening the door on her right, Alanna was unsurprised to find that James had his own armory, in the same location as Tony’s. Barely thinking, she reached out towards what looked like a custom long range rifle. She picked it up, feeling the balance as she ran her hand along the custom, textured wood grip.

  “My mother’s.” James looked down at her, clearly bemused. “I never liked it.”

  “It’s the most beautiful gun I’ve ever seen.” Alanna breathed.

  James shook his head. The bathtub Alanna, let’s focus on the bathtub. He threw down their luggage and led her to the door directly at the end of the hallway.

  Alanna started laughing. She couldn’t help it. The glowing white tub was sunken into the floor, deep and big enough for four. The size was, as promised, completely ridiculous. The floors were poured gray concrete, the large faucet, a rich, polished black. Hesitantly, she walked towards the double sinks, running her hand along the beautiful granite beneath. Shot with veins of silvery gray that reminded her of a Tundran snow storm, the granite itself, was green. It was a small thing but it comforted her, that small bit of green among the very standard Tundran color scheme of black and gray. And there, over the ridiculously oversized bathtub, was a floor to ceiling window, opening up to the city beyond. A thousand flickering lights looked back at her underneath the darkening sky. Hundreds of hulking gray buildings blocked out the stars and the sky all around them. And beyond those gray structures, in the far distance, she could see an expanse of uninterrupted white ice, which must be frozen the ocean.

  James turned on the faucet and the natural gas powered fireplace above the tub, before turning all his attention to her. Just for a moment, Alanna hesitated, the old fears coming back as she stood alone in the middle of the bathroom. And then his hands were around her and she forgot everything else. She couldn’t be afraid of James. She wanted whatever he wanted.

  Much, much later, Alanna floated in the deep, warm water, looking out towards the city lights beyond. “In the sink.” She said suddenly, and started laughing. “You were bathing in the sink.” Alanna turned around, looking over at him. And froze. “Your arm!”

  “It’s fine.”

  “It is not fine.” She traced the artificial skin running all the way up to his shoulder. “You carried the bags.”

  “If it weren’t for the damage, I would have carried you.” James grinned at her as his arm wrapped around her waist. “And I still will.” He added, with typical stubbornness.

  Alanna shrieked as he picked her up. “James!”

  “You see? No problem. Now stop struggling, I want to show you the bedroom.”

  ---

  Alanna looked up sleepily, watching James get dressed in the warm light of the bedroom fireplace. The apartment was much warmer now than it had been when they walked in. She wasn’t quite sure of the time, but evening was approaching. The light outside the window was a dim, washed out gray and the soft staccato of snow hitting the window was the only sound in the room. She ran her hand over the silky velvet surface of the comforter, shining a deep midnight blue in the soft golden warmth of the bedside lamp. “Are you leaving?” She asked.

  “I have some things to take care of. Everything will be fine. Just wait here a while. Tony and Clara will be around to make sure you’re all right until I get back.”

  “Do I need babysitting?”

  James shrugged. “It can’t hurt.” He said. He was taking no chances with Alanna’s safety.

  “Is this dangerous?” She asked uncertainly. “For you?”

  “Alanna, I’m going to talk to my parents.”

  “And? Is that dangerous?”

  James opened his mouth to make a joke but stopped when he saw the look on her face. “Sweetheart, I’ll be fine.” He repeated. “They’re my parents. They may not be thrilled, but I’m not in any physical danger from them.”

  Alanna shrugged. She wasn’t an expert on parents. Suddenly self conscious, she pulled the comforter up around herself and went to get dressed. “I don’t have to wear the uniform again, do I?” She asked.

  “You never have to wear the uniform.”

  “Right.” Alanna nodded. After all, it was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She was suddenly, forcibly reminded of her unemployed status. In that moment, what she wanted most in the world, was for James to stay. But there was nothing she could do about that. And in a few more days, James would be gone. On a mission that scared him, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Pulling clothes out of her small briefcase, she got dressed and followed James back out into the yard… to find Clara and Tony waiting for them. Clara sat cross legged by the mint patch, looking pissed. Tony sat next to her, poker face enabled.

  “Long time.” Clara noted, looking up. “Well done James, we wouldn’t want you disappointing your new fiancée.”

  “It was a long time.” Tony agreed. “I was bored.”

  James shook his head. “Ignore them.” He said. “Please, ignore them. I need a few hours to get things straightened out. I’ll be back soon.” And then, because he wanted to, he pulled her towards him, kissing her until the entire world disappeared. “I’ll be back soon.” He said, reassuring her one more time before heading towards the elevator.

  Alanna stood frozen, watching him leave. “Be careful.” Alanna called out.

  Tony cleared his throat. “Alanna. We’re hungry. And I’d guess you are, too. Stop staring after James and let’s go.”

  Alanna looked around. “All I know is that you can eat the mint.” She offered uncertainly. “And I think that might be rosemary in the back.”

  “James has a kitchen.” Clara said with a smirk. “We don’t need to resort to eating leaves.”

  “Right.” Alanna nodded. James had a kitchen. She hadn’t seen it, but presumably, it had to be there. She walked back into the apartment. The bedroom, with its unmade bed, was to her left. The bathroom was directly in front of her. By process of elimination she turned right and hoped she got it right. Clara followed, turning on the light and clearly familiar with the apartment. Alanna looked around as light flooded the kitchen. Another floor to ceiling window was on her left, with a scratched up, ancient looking wood table standing underneath, surrounded by four armchairs wrapped in warm brown leather that looked like they belonged in someone’s living room rather than a kitchen. Of course, there was no living room, so perhaps the armchairs made sense. Behind the table was a large fireplace, the light of a small fire now flickering dimly. The kitchen itself was to her right, walls of black Tundran wood cabinets with a glossy mirrored finish and poured concrete countertops. On the other end of the kitchen, the glass doors opened up to the abandoned garden beyond.

  “Sit.” Clara said shortly. “I got it.” She moved around the kitchen with easy confidence, making toast and a pot of tea and setting them out on the table. “And now” Clara announced, “I will drink the most expensive bottle of wine in the liquor cabinet. Is anyone here going to forcibly prevent me from doing that?” She glanced casually from Alanna, who looked visibly nervous, to Tony, who raised an eyebrow in her direction but made no other move to rise from his chair, nodded with some satisfaction, and went for the liquor cabinet. “Didn’t think so.” Clara muttered, slamming a glass down onto the table.

  “Are you going to share?” Tony asked mildly.

  “No. You can have whatever shit hard liquor he has in the back of the fridge. You didn’t earn this. I earned this.”

  “Um.” Alanna began, before shutting her mouth and taking a small sip of her tea.

  “What’s your problem?” Clara asked, uncorking the wine and pouring to the very top of her glass.

  “Nothing.” Alanna shook her head, moving deeper into her armchair.

  Tony studied Alanna for a moment. “I know what her problem is.” He said, bemused.

  “Do tell.” Clara said. “And then get me a second bottle. And the most expensive Tony. I’ll know.”

  “In good time, Clara.”

  “Fine. Tell us what her problem is and then get me the damn bottle.”

  “You see Clara, Alanna’s problem is that she is concerned, deeply concerned, about what her engagement is doing to you.”

  “What?” Clara asked, looking up momentarily from her glass.

  “She’s concerned, Clara, about your delicate mental state. In light of your obvious and unrequited love” Tony raised his eyebrows in Alanna’s general direction “obvious and unrequited love for one Captain James Hawk.” He continued. “Am I right, Alanna?”

  Alanna frowned, clearly uncomfortable.

  “My wha?” Clara paused. “Oh right, yes. Thank you Tony, for reminding me. My unrequited love for James is indeed, ugh, unrequited. And deep. Endless really. Endlessly unrequited and tragic. You bitch.” She added halfheartedly in Alanna’s general direction. Then she drained her glass. And poured herself another. “The second bottle, Tony.” Clara said shortly. “Bastard.” She added, when Tony brought back the second bottle and poured himself a glass.

  Alanna opened her mouth to say something and once again shut it. The world of things she was missing from this conversation appeared to be nearly endless.

  “Watching him grow up and become a man” Clara continued, getting into the spirit of things as the level of alcohol in the first bottle continued to decrease “watching him with all those women, there were a lot of women, weren’t there, Tony?”

  Tony winced, and tried to pull the second bottle of wine out of Clara’s reach.

  Lightning fast and completely unexpected, Clara brought her fist down on Tony’s wrist, fast enough to get a full hit and hard enough that the entire table nearly turned over from the force of her blow. “Don’t. Touch.” Clara said, catching the bottle with her other hand before it fell to the floor, her voice silky soft. “As I was saying, it just about broke my heart, every time. And now, engaged to some Sarayan whore.”

  “Clara, enough.” Tony said, his voice no longer amused.

  “Only you see dear Alanna, perhaps growing from the bitterness of all that unrequited love, my tastes have… evolved.” Clara’s eyes focused on Alanna, pressed up against the back of her chair. “He’s not really my type.” Clara said, lowering her voice. “You’re more my type.” She leaned forward, grabbing Alanna by her shoulders and leaning in.

  It happened lightning fast. To this day, Tony would swear he never saw it happen at all. It just was, the knife in Alanna’s hand, pressed to Clara’s throat.

  “You crazy psychotic bitch!” Clara yelled just before Tony launched himself at Alanna, knocking her knife hand aside and leaving her wrist numb from the pain.

  “Christ!” He yelled an instant later as Clara’s hands fastened around Alanna’s throat. “Clara! Let go. Let go!” He tried pulling her off but had to stop as Alanna came up with them, Clara’s hands still wrapped around her throat. That was when Tony punched Clara in the face. “Clara, stop.” He repeated, finally succeeding in pulling her off Alanna and holding on to keep her from causing any more harm.

  “Leave.” Tony said, turning to Alanna. “Just leave. Now.”

  Without another word, Alanna turned around and left, pausing only briefly to pick the knife back up on her way out.

  No longer fighting, Clara sat on the floor, crying quietly.

  Tony sat down next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders. A few minutes later, he handed her the second bottle. “Want to tell me about it?” He asked.

  Clara took a swig from the bottle, emptying it out before she smashed it down on the floor with all her strength. “I don’t know if I can live with it.” She said in a dull, quiet voice. “I’m not like you, like James. I’m not like her. I can’t do this. I can’t do it.”

  Without saying a word, Tony pulled her closer, rocking her back and forth as she cried. “It gets easier.” He lied. “Clara, it’s going to get easier. You just get through it. We’re here for you. We’ll help you.”

  “You don’t know what we did.” She whispered. “Tony, you don’t understand what we did.”

  “You did what you had to do. It’s what we all do.”

  “Is it? Are we fighting for our survival? Or are we fighting to destroy them?”

  “Sometimes, they’re one and the same.”

  They sat together in silence, friends so old they could barely remember a time they weren’t together. “I’m glad you’re here.” Clara said with a sniffle. “Hey Tony?”

  “What?”

  “Did you rape Alanna?”

  “For fuck’s sake Clara! I never touched her.”

  “You went after her and what, she fought you off? Hell, I can take her. Even with a knife.”

  “Clara, she held back. She could slit your throat before you could disarm her. Don’t underestimate Alanna.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “And you really didn’t…”

  “I really didn’t.”

  “Huh.”

  “Come on. We have to go get her now. We’re supposed to be babysitting.”

  “Does she need babysitting?”

  “James thinks she does.”

  Clara got up with some reluctance. “Do I have to apologize?”

  “Hell yes you have to apologize.”

  “I was afraid you’d say that.” Clara said glumly, following Tony out into the hallway.

  They found Alanna sitting on top of the small bridge in the garden, staring down into the stream. She looked up as they came out. The knife was still in her hand, held somewhat stiffly. The faint traces of bruising were just becoming visible around her neck and along her wrist.

  “Shit.” Tony said with feeling.

  “We’re terrible babysitters.” Clara said.

  “Clara has something to say to you.” Tony said pointedly.

  Clara sighed. Somewhat hesitantly, she sat on the bridge next to Alanna, maintaining enough of a distance not to pose a threat. She held out her hands. “I’m sorry. I was completely out of line, and I apologize. Look, do I think this engagement is somewhat rushed and, well, insane? Sure. But I have nothing against you and I promise you, I’m not carrying any kind of a torch for James, and never have. He’s all yours.”

  Alanna narrowed her eyes slightly, studying Clara. “You only like women?” She couldn’t help asking. It was the one piece of information she felt she had a right to know.

  “Yes, just women.”

  Alanna twirled the knife in her hand, somewhat stiffly due to the damage to her wrist. “I overreacted.” The reluctance in her voice echoed Clara’s. “I apologize. I don’t like being touched.” She added.

  “Well, that might be a problem for James but I’m good with it.” Clara offered generously.

  “I don’t think it’s a problem for James.” Tony said with a slight grin.

  “Possibly not.” Clara agreed.

  Tony sat on the ground next to Clara, elbowing her lightly. “Hey, want to see something?”

  “Sure.” Clara said, smiling back. As bad as it all was, it was good to be home. Home, was worth defending. Always.

  Tony held out his hands, making a roughly rectangular shape with his fingers and holding the rectangle up in front of Alanna’s face. “See, looking at it this way, kind of a psycho.”

  Alanna frowned. The knife spun faster, in spite of the pain in her bruised wrist.

  “Bear with me.” Tony said patiently, his words clearly directed to Clara. He held his hands back up, remaking the rectangle. “Now, try it with the ‘Not Thea’ lens.”

  Clara rubbed her chin thoughtfully, looking past Tony’s hands towards Alanna. “Hmm.” She said thoughtfully. “That is a much better look for her.”

  “I know.”

  “She’s looking better and better to me now.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m starting to be grateful to Thea.” Alanna muttered.

  “You should be.” Clara agreed.

  “Yeah, probably.” Tony nodded.

  “Man’s got a type.” Clara couldn’t help adding.

  Tony started laughing. “Come on.” He held out his hand to Alanna. “Let’s see if we can find you some more food. We promise to be better babysitters. Both of us.” He shot a warning look towards Clara.

  “Yes, we promise.” Clara agreed. “But I can’t promise to stop drinking. Just know it has nothing to do with you. Or my unrequited love for James.”

  Alanna nodded, following them quietly. Looking down at the dry toast on the scratched up kitchen table, she put a hand to her stomach, which suddenly felt very empty. She wanted real food. “I want to cook.” Alanna announced, surprising herself. “Any reason why I can’t?”

  “It’s more your kitchen than ours.” Tony said. “If you want to cook, you should cook. Although I’m not sure James has much food in here.”

  “I can get groceries.” Clara offered, sober enough to realize Tony would not offer to go, and leave her alone with Alanna.

  “I can take a look at what’s here.” Alanna offered, hoping she would be able to find something. Her wrist hurt. A few minutes later, she surveyed what she managed to assemble on the kitchen counter. Sundried tomatoes, mushrooms, frozen chicken, pasta and olive oil. There was something there she could work with. She also found eggs, flour and baking soda, but no yeast. Finally, she dug out a container of buttermilk from the fridge. Sarayan buttermilk was always frozen, to kill the angerona bacteria that would otherwise breed in the milk. She hesitated only for an instant before putting it out on the counter.

  “Pancakes.” Tony said. “James uses that to make pancakes.”

  “He makes great pancakes.” Clara agreed. “I say this in a completely romantically uninterested way.”

  “Can I get a glass of wine?” Alanna asked. “I will happily take something other than the most expensive bottle in the liquor cabinet.”

  “Sure. I’ll get it.” Clara shifted, preparing to get back up from her armchair, when Tony reached out a hand to stop her.

  “What? She’s cooking. It’s only fair.”

  Tony shook his head slightly, ignoring the puzzled look Clara shot his way. “I can make you more tea.” He offered Alanna, getting up.

  Alanna turned her back on all of them, focusing on the food. She ran the chicken under water in the sink and began mixing flour, baking soda, eggs and buttermilk for soda bread. There wasn’t yeast, but that was all right. With some buttermilk, the baking soda would get the bread to rise just as well. “I’m going to get some herbs from the garden.” She said abruptly, turning around.

  “What are you doing?” Clara mouthed at Tony.

  Tony shrugged, shaking his head again while remaining stubbornly silent.

  “Am I pregnant?” Alanna asked, facing them both as she walked back into the kitchen, a seemingly random collection of green leaves in her hand.

  “Oh hell.” Tony ran his hand through his hair. “You need to talk to James about this, all right?

  “I see. Maybe in a few more days he’ll deign to tell me. If it matches the timeline for how long it took him to inform me of our engagement, who knows how long it could take?” Alanna said, her voice perfectly flat.

  Clara winced. It was hard not to sympathize with Alanna just then.

  “Alanna, it’s not that simple.” Tony tried to explain.

  “How can it not be that simple? I’m pretty sure it’s a binary condition. Either I am, or I’m not. And the Grey Serpent’s doctor did a blood test. Didn’t he, Tony? While I was passed out. And then you told James. Because you tell him everything.”

  “They have excellent communication skills.” Clara agreed.

  “And you.” Alanna snapped, her patience having truly run out. “Nice tan, by the way. You’re messed up from the mission, aren’t you? I’d guess you killed a hell of a lot of people.” She shivered, thinking of the way James had acted when he came to see her that last night before leaving. Just what was it they were doing?

  “It’s complicated.” Clara muttered.

  “I bet it’s not.” Alanna said, turning back towards the food. She added rosemary to the bread, shaping the loaf and scoring the top before placing it into the oven. And then she put her hand on her stomach. She couldn’t help it. She should have been on birth control. It was mandated for any female serving in the Sarayan navy. And she vaguely recalled that she missed her appointment. She had a physics test to study for. It shouldn’t have mattered. She had no plans to… Alanna sighed. As usual, the whole mess was her own fault. She rubbed the half defrosted chicken with olive oil and salt and added the sundried tomatoes and mushrooms before putting it into the oven and turning on the water to boil for pasta. It wasn’t going to be the world’s fanciest meal. And it would have gone well with wine. Ignoring the somewhat uncomfortable silence, she sat back down at the table. “I don’t really need babysitting.” She offered. “You can both go.”

  “She says right after putting the food in the oven.” Clara observed. “Tell her.” She added suddenly, turning to Tony.

  “Clara.” Tony began.

  “Tell her. If she’s pregnant she should bloody well know about it.”

  “I’m telling you it’s…”

  “How can it be complicated? Alanna is right Tony, it is binary.”

  “It’s not, actually.” Tony said under his breath.

  “Oh.” Clara looked away as understanding dawned.

  “What ‘oh’?” Alanna asked with annoyance.

  Clara shrugged. “It means you’re probably going to miscarry. Right, Tony?”

  “You need to go home, Clara.” Tony said. “Now.”

  “It’s complicated because the test is inconclusive. And that means you’re likely to miscarry. I’m sorry.” Clara nodded to Alanna, ignoring the look Tony shot her way. “She deserves to know.” Clara continued, turning back to Tony. “And neither you nor James should have kept it from her.”

  “How do you even know…”

  “I’m still a girl, Tony. I know things.”

  “Was the test inconclusive?” Alanna asked, turning to Tony.

  “Yes.” Tony admitted.

  “There’s juice.” Clara offered, getting up. “I know where he keeps it. You can have that.” Without another word, she poured and offered Alanna a glass of red berry juice.

  “James didn’t want you to worry about it.” Tony offered, watching her carefully.

  James is an idiot, Alanna thought, but chose not to say it out loud. She took another, bigger gulp of the juice. “I’m going to want more of this.”

  Clara grinned, looking smug as she left out the entire bottle. Alanna was malnourished to the point of starvation. If the baby was to have any chance of survival, she would need to eat.

  “Poker?” Tony offered. “I know where the cards are.”

  “The babysitting continues.” Alanna said drily.

  “I’m too drunk.” Clara shook her head.

  “What would you like to do Clara, play Go Fish?” Tony asked, annoyed.

  “Yes.”

  Tony looked over at Alanna. “You know it?”

  “Yes, from my time spent actually babysitting.” Alanna said. “It’s a complex game but I will endeavor to keep up.”

  “Someone trusted you with kids?” Clara asked, eyes wide.

  “It was an orphanage Clara, their options were limited.” Alanna said as she got up to drain the pasta, turning the chicken and tossing the pasta on top.

  “It smells good.” Clara said more cheerfully.

  “Yeah, you could use the food.” Tony said sharply, watching Clara slump over slightly in her chair. She had polished off one and a half bottles of wine so far, and the night was yet young.

  “Aces.” Clara announced, looking over at Alanna and ignoring Tony.

  Alanna silently handed her an ace, before turning to Tony. “Again, I do not need…”

  “James says you need babysitting.” Tony said flatly.

  “Eights.” Clara said firmly.

  “Go fish.”

  “How long until the food is ready?” Tony asked.

  “At least ten more minutes.” Somewhat self-consciously, Alanna put a hand on her stomach. She was hungry.

  “Will you really forgive James whatever he does?” Clara asked, somewhat abruptly. “Whatever he does on Saraya? Even if it’s… bad?”

  “Clara.” Tony growled, beyond exasperated. If it wasn’t for James’s instructions to babysit, he would have bodily hauled Clara into a car and sent her home a long time ago.

  “I think that’s the idea, Clara.” Alanna responded. “I’m not under the mistaken impression that he’s tanning and heading out to Saraya to make friends.”

  “James says we’re the slightly better guys.”

  “We are the slightly better guys.” Tony said sharply.

  “You… we are.” Alanna agreed.

  “So no one thinks we’re the good guys?” Clara asked.

  Tony and Alanna exchanged a glance. “The good guys are all dead.” Alanna said flatly. “They’re not going to survive this.”

  Tony nodded in silent agreement.

  “A race to the bottom?” Clara asked. “Does it at least bother you? Either of you? What you’ve done?”

  “Is this about the head?” Alanna asked. “Because honestly, I’m fine with it.”

  “It’s not about the damn head! I get it Alanna, he had it coming. What about the people that didn’t? There was a Sarayan.” She paused, her eyes distant. “He was trying to help us. He was trying to help everyone. We didn’t kill him, but we nearly did. And maybe someday we still will. He was a good person! How do you live with it if you killed a good person? If you might have?”

  “You atone.” Alanna said, looking over at Clara. “I don’t know how, but you find a way. Clara, you’re going to be a cop someday, aren’t you? A good one. And you” she turned to Tony “you’re going to be a doctor. We do what we have to do to protect our people, and when it’s over, we try to be better. It’s what you do.”

  They sat quietly for a long moment. “Jacks.” Clara said into the silence, turning to Alanna.

  “Go fish.” Alanna answered.

  “That.” Clara said, turning back to Tony. “You should have said that. That made me feel better.”

  “Go fish?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “I will try.” Clara said, turning back to Alanna. “I don’t know how, but I’ll try. I’ll try to make up for what I’ve done. What we’ve done.”

  “I will, too.” Alanna said quietly.

  “I want dinner.” Tony said.

  They all looked up at the sound of the doorbell.