When she snapped her eyes back open, Deyandra, leaning against the wall, beckoned her to come closer with two fingers. She popped open a hemp satchel she kept slung at her hips – she kept it stylish by keeping it slightly off-kilter – popped open the cap of a vial, tipped the contents into the thimble-like cap, before holding it up to Githarie’s unclogged nostril. Githarie, about to ask Deyandra exactly what she was doing, inhaled it without even knowing. “Whatsha- ACK!”

  “Now that- that is the ghash,” Dey said as she took her own bump before twisting the cap back on and secreting the treasure away back to her trusty fanny pack. “Ooh-”

  For just an instance Githarie thought her heart might pop. She reassured herself – she lost her wagh cherry this rote! The first berserking rage of any orcan teenager’s life was always considered a rite of passage. She couldn’t wait to tell Da, it was so gof when she sprouted claws, which she had yet to trim off. Well, until she fell. She’ll omit that part. No, she was gonna thrak the ghash tang tang and durb this razza. She planned on tearing the dance floor apart with her new toeclaws, she was going to find some lovely orcan boi and lose her other virginity.

  They were going to wagh out until the sun had made its way across the horizon!

  Deyandra winked, finally recalling, “Birth-rote bumps for sha, birth-rote gurl.”

  “Sha da best, Dey! Mwah!” They blew each other exaggerated air kisses that wafted through the smoky air, for there were a lot of blunts lit up around in the Tusk and Tooth. Rothera had a no smoking indoors policy, Raigo insisted, but the Tusk and Tooth was the exception to the rule, atul insisted back. Of course, the policy was never really enforced to begin with, but given the official clearance it meant the T&T was billowing at all hours.

  “Hm, Githie, doesn’t that make sha a virgo?”

  “Yup. Wow Dey, sha know your astrology.”

  “Of course, two-thirty-five to two-sixty-five. Easy. Ah, but sha right on the edge there, innit?”

  “Yeah, I kinda wished I was a Libra. I don’t wanna be-”

  “-A virgin anymore?” Dey cackled.

  “Hey! Shaddap, hai.”

  “Githarie sha have a good sun sign. The Cusp of Beauty.”

  “Eh?”

  “Means sha charmin’ as all skai, sha beautiful zug.”

  “Aw, shucks, thanks, sha beautiful zug.”

  The rest of the foray into the Tusk and Tooth felt like a blur, as they danced and cheered and laughed and screamed and fought and loved and lived. Githarie found herself capable of drinking more than she usually could and she took full advantage. Lawrah grinded her back and behind up against Zholl, who wrapped his arms around her shoulders. And even Deyandra and Zhon started making out in the bathroom after a fat line.

  Then – Githarie didn’t know who, but someone started it – a chant of “HAPPY - BIRTH - ROTE - GITHIE! HAPPY - BIRTH -” etc. began to ring throughout the tavern. For once, she didn’t mind the stupid birth-rote song. Githarie was swarmed by the crowd in a great big group hug, they lifted her up and so the surfer crowd surfed.

  She pumped her arms out and barbarously yawped across the forest of cheering, pumping, arms and bumping fists, as she undulated with the tide of celebration. Celebration for her, Githarie Thraxes.

  For this rotation, once every revolution only, she was-

  Queen of the Orcans.

  Life doesn’t get better than this.

  But finally it was time. The pregame came to an end. Time for atul to recover – what recovery was possible anyway – and in separate crews make their own way over to the razza.

  Arms on shoulders, the best friends forever pranced and lollygagged their way across the ancient runway – now empty for everyone else lived up the hill and scattered in the other direction, while the Chief’s House was among the buildings of the main square – their speech was so slurred that it wasn’t certain that they were actually communicating even though they felt like the other had never understood who they were more than this moment, they felt so seen by her soul sister! They couldn’t love each other more.

  “Wai-” she burped, “Wait.” She wished a little that she wasn’t this fucked up right now, because now they had to execute the plan.

  “We - we gotta get Zha-ak. Zhak! Zha-ah-hah-hah!” Just thinking of the nurd made her burst into laughter.

  They stumbled once again into the library. Meldy, who voluntarily stayed past closing hours just to keep reading, gave them a cross look as they rushed by.

  They barged into the upstairs meeting room.

  Zhak was there with his best friends, Churze Khang – his best friend and a wizardly magickian like him, they were probably competing for valedictorian or salutatorian – and Gruker Plagmerk, the eastside football player he was cheering for.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  “Diu lei chau hai! Whatsha mog, Gith? Atul playin’ Demigods and Documents!”

  “WOAH-HO-HO!” Githarie was shocked, and Zhak wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t know she would understand the meaning, “Lookin’ to gerekt, mubru?”

  “Snaga! Come. With us.” Lawrah said snaga? She was gettin’ so ghash, when she got lit up with this coke stuff. Bu-bhosh.

  Zhak moaned, “Where?”

  “Cheef-” Gith hiccuped, “Cheef’s lug.” She slung an arm on Lawrah for support as she kept hiccuping.

  Lawrah, who was more coked up than drunk, added, “Dad” – when was the last time she called him Dad? – “is never gonna let me go to the festie. Needsha to help us-” she waved her free arm around in a bizarre pattern “-make up a story.”

  “We have a game going!”

  “Hey, we just finished an encounter. Why don’t we end here?”, Churze piped in suddenly.

  “Yeah, I, uh, I gotta go too,” added Gruker.

  Churze, quite the silver-tongued flatterer, brown-nosed, “You’re a great Documents Master, Zhak! Been really enjoying this game. But we’re nearly at the Big Bad Evil Guy right? Doctor Sanchez? Sha thraked us a lot of experience points just now defeating Lieutenant Smith. Why wrap it up so fast? Let’s-”

  Zhak groaned, “I get it! I get it! Sha wanna go to the razza too.” Then he did a double take and squinted at Gruker.

  “Wait, you too, Gruker?”

  “Ye, I guess. Why not? Atul mog, mubru.”

  “Do it, mubrus!”, Churze had butted in and blurted out, “For Da Kultur!”

  Zhak snapped around back to the damsels in need of his aid, and said without hesitation, “I’m in. Let’s leeroy.” Woah, that was easy.

  Zhak’s party split, no longer needing to gather to venture forth into the skyscrapers of the Lost Age, at least within Zhak’s imagination. It was a short walk to the Chief’s house, and the trio marched up the steps. Lawrah rapped a little riff – one knock, two quick knocks, another knock, then a pause and a final two more – the same one she always used so father would know it was her. For many Rotherans would gather here at all hours of all rotes to beg for the Chief to solve their problems, and the Chief was wont to just ignore them.

  The doors swung open, Raigo leering at them. He’d transmogrified his nose to be keener than a mutt’s, so he could easily smell the stink of ale.

  Dey could tell by the little trail of snot falling from the other one. This was not her first rodeo.

  Deyandra was actually being a really poor influence in this instance and the consequences of these actions would not lead to anything good for Githarie.

  This actually is what the orcans refer to the first berserking rage a young orcan experiences- wagh cherry go pop.

  ‘Tang’, orcish for ‘to go hard’ or just ‘hard’, ‘Tang Tang’, orcish for ‘to go hard as a motherfucker’.

  There was nothing we spirits hated more than the pseudo-magick of astrology. Even with the move to the fortrote system, it would not die. Zugs loved it still. As well as bois trying to do the zug-zug with said zugs.

  Astrology gave Deyandra a feeling of control over her life. Plus, horoscopes were like free therapy. A nice little pep talk to start your rote. Didn’t really matter which one you read.

  Goddess damn it, it was easier to remember than August 23 to September 22. Will this pseudo-magick ever die out?!

  Usually, she went down after three tankards – one equivalent to three pints – of Murdoc and slumped in the corner pinching the bridge of her nose trying to wrest away the headaches. She did not have the ALDH2*2 allele in her essence, no orcan did – the Horde Master edited it out thinking there was no use for it – but her small frame and meant she just got drunk way quicker than most orcans. Each time she passed out, Zholl and Zhon made sure to scribble a little toothbrush mustache on her.

  ‘Nurd’ - while the primary orcish use of the word was ‘unlucky’, it also meant ‘lame’, ‘loser’, ‘dorky’, indeed the same meaning as the word nerd. While being ‘nerdy’ was considered an attractive trait among the elvans, the orcans mistrusted any individual that put themselves higher than the others – also called ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ – even though the Horde Master had equipped them all with the essence for great intellect, should they choose to tap into that potential.

  But the orcans didn’t call it this. They called it ‘da top smarty’, and no one ever really addressed the earner with the title, and often villages simply didn’t even try to crunch the numbers to determine which child was da top smarty, or if they did it was so sloppy that often the incorrect student was awarded.

  Neither did they call it this. They called it ‘da numba two smarty’, and even fewer cared. Second place? Whatever.

  [??] - Cantonese meaning fuck. Zhak was trying to practice his Cantonese, some of it which he was able to piece together with conversations with his mom. Anyway, he was sick of saying skai or sha, it was so basic orc.

  [??你臭閪] - a Cantonese curse serendipitously synchronous to Orcish, it meant ‘fuck your smelly pussy’, though Zhak would never. He just wanted to say the most offensive thing possible.

  Mog meant ‘I will’ or ‘to promise’, but when used in the second tense it inferred questioning the listener’s motives, what they had conviction to do.

  A tabletop roleplaying game in which orcans pretend to be Godlike Beings – the Demigods – and creating a story of their rotes, which usually involves Documents that were used as the MacGuffin of the adventures. Classes included Hacker, Lawyer, Banker, Government Clerk, Bouncer, and Creative. It was commonly agreed that the Creative Class was underpowered and needing buffing, but there would be no more editions published because the creators, Tactical Coast Games, had shuttered their doors. Orcans didn’t have time for that nurd shit.

  ‘Da Kultur’ - the culture. The orcan legacy. Every ballin bubhosh ghash nazge-durban zug-zug thing that the orcans had added to the legacy of the Godlike Beings. It honored the Godlike Beings themselves, for it was the Godlike Beings themselves who built the foundations of the culture.

  Don’t split the party!