I sighed as I got to my feet. This place was horrible and to make matters worse, death just put me back at the beginning. It was like one of those rogue like’s back on earth except I was dying and reforming myself, not my characters.

  I winced as I stepped on a landmine and felt it activate. You are probably wondering how I could feel it activate? Simple, this place loved to advertise my death in such fantastically horrid ways.

  So, when I stepped on it, it began to vibrate aggressively. I pulled my foot back a second before the explosion and felt my body evaporate.

  I once again stood to my feet and looked at the crater where I was just standing, a small piece of my shirt slowly floated over to me, it was shredded. “There goes my nice outfit.” I sighed.

  The Hero clothes I got from the Emerald Kingdom regrew slowly over my body and I winced at the discomfort.

  Sighing, I looked around for alerted guards. Luckily there was no one here. I continued toward what I can only describe as one of those levels from a platformer.

  I casually walked down the center of the minefield, making a point to look in front of me for any metal antenna sticking out of the soft loamy earth towards.

  Reaching the massive pink recliner dubbed by the residents of this hellhole… honestly I forgot. Something about destiny or some shit. Activating spider hands, I winced in pain and considered just using my anti-gravity. I attached my hands to the chair and began to climb.

  The first time I showed up here, I thought it was interesting. I tried to explore and see what I could find. It was like a massive children's toybox. The whole thing felt massive, but was actually quite small.

  Starting near the bottom left, you had Emerald Kingdom. It was the shining bastion of humanity or something. It was quite literally a massive building blocks city with blocks buildings and a block castle.

  No, not like Lego’s, but just as brightly colored. Think off brand, like, way off brand. Surrounding it was… I paused as I lost grip with the recliner and began to fall.

  My first death came shortly after entering this place. I am not proud enough to admit I died screaming as a Crab cut me in half. Unlike a video game, death. Death in the toybox really, really hurts. To make matters worse, it is usually slow, painful and unnecessarily complicated.

  The mine from earlier was actually a very pleasant way to go all things considered. I managed to catch onto the recliner again about thirty feet down and let out a yelp of pain as my fingers snapped before regenerating.

  That's when the first bullet hit me. No, not a normal bullet. These were bubble bullets. Except instead of it being cute little bubbles they hit like paintball rounds and hurt twice as much.

  Then the things inside the bubble bullet liked to come out and bite you. Getting hit was unpleasant to put it mildly. I activated my immolation ability and clenched my teeth.

  My body began to heat to an unbearable level. My skin began to melt and my eyes began to burn and blur slightly. All the little critters charred that had crawled from the bubble bullet fell off.

  I turned, keeping one hand attached to the recliner to see a large black dragon… fuck.

  Based on the scales, it was a black dragon and they loved to breathe fire. But that didn’t explain the bubbles. Maybe fire bubbles, but I doubted it. No, this was a Mini boss encounter.. One I had seen many times.

  “Surrender now!” Alissa the Exotic Dragon Tamer called from the back of her dragon, Drakey. A young woman, childlike in height, defiant in size, stood on the back of the dragon. For just an instant, I smiled.

  For most of the horrible deaths that happened to me, I had learned a sort of rhythm. Shifting my neck so the sharks bit my neck, jumping on land mines, laying on the beach so the crabs sliced cleanly.

  Alissa was by far the most painful though. None of them were enjoyable, but if I had to die, I would prefer not her. I looked at her military uniform, it had changed from Tardriss to Dradle again. It tended to glitch back and forth.

  Alissa was a mini boss, and like everyone else in the toybox. She was basically a real human girl with game code for a brain. Which is why this next part should work…

  Raising my hand, I opened my palm at her and smiled. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, this recliner of.. destiny? is broken and I am a contractor here to repair it!”

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  The dragon breathed its fire at me and I was forced to let go. As I began my descent, I activated my anti-gravity with a sigh. I slowed, then began to fall up towards the seat of the massive recliner.

  Not slowly, oh no, that would make it comfortable. I was jerked skywards at an alarming rate. I turned it off after only a few seconds.

  Quickly did some ineffectual swimming in the air to reach the couch cushion of the recliner. I saw the dragon beginning to rise and smiled. We passed each other on the way down and the dragon missed his attack.

  Right before I hit the couch cushion I activated my Bounce skill. The moment I made contact with the couch cushion, I was bounced back into the air like a bouncy ball. I was pretty sure every bone in my body was shattered at that moment.

  My vision went dark and I began to fade, I tried to mouth a fuck you. Blood came out instead.I forced my working arm… if you can define working as it moves at all, to point at the dragon.

  I activated Void Sphere, an ability I got from a quest. A ball of pure void suddenly formed at the tip of my broken arm and hit the dragon head on, erasing its head and killing it instantly.

  To Alissa's credit, she tried to dodge, but I hit her dragon straight on and it was obliterated in an instant. She however had managed to jump off and opened a parachute. “Fuck!” I said as I hit the recliner again and everything went black.

  I respawned on the soft loamy earth next to a Block Keep, it was a keep for the Emerald Kingdom and its border. I watched in the distance, across the mine field, as Alissa landed safely on the recliner.

  I shook my head and began making my way down the same center path of the minefield again. Then the first bubble bullet hit me. Nothing came out of the bubble, it just popped on me and hurt like hell. I looked up to see Alissa was laying down on the recliner and firing at me.

  I dodged as another bubble almost hit me. I felt the vibration of another landmine as I hit it and winced. Excruciating pain, then I reformed a moment later next to the keep.

  I slowly turned, walked over to the large keep and kicked the plastic wall a few times. “That fucking whore bitch shithead, FUCK!”

  I watched as queen bitch fired more bubbles, but I was out of range now and the bubbles popped before reaching me. I wondered if I could just clear the land mines first… then I noticed one of the landmines antenna.. Growing back.

  I forgot they did that… What a bullshit mechanic. It was fine, I just needed to get her low enough and use my ult, it would all be worth it.

  I needed to get close enough to touch her though… I looked up to the recliner and smiled as I saw her in her parachute coming towards me. “Well, that’s convenient.”

  I hoped she would land in the mine field, maybe weaken her more, but no. She managed to get over the mine field and land across from me before pulling out her gun and clicking a switch on the side.

  This was bullshit, she had traversed the entire way in less than ten seconds! That should not be possible, what was she, a damn speed demon?! Parachutes should not go that fast!

  I immolated and instantly felt the burning pain return. Ignoring it, I rushed her. letting the bubbles hit me and ignoring the pain as best I could. I just needed to touch her and I would win.

  She managed to get off over thirty fucking shots on me, the bugs dying before they could do much damage… as if the immolation wasn’t doing more anyways. The pain was intense and I felt each one. Why couldn’t I get at least like a twenty percent reduction to pain or something?!

  Finally reaching her, I tried to grab her. She twirled under my reach. I summoned my spear and managed to stab next to her, holding her in place for only a second. I managed, just barely, to grab her arm.

  I instantly activated my level 20 ability unlock, mind control. She fell to her knees and bowed her head. I smiled, panting as I looked at her bowing. Finally, to have her on my side... Then I felt the vibration, and sighed as I pushed her towards the block keep.

  I respawned and stared blankly at the couch in the distance. After a moment, I smiled and turned to the beautiful monster that was Alissa the Exotic Dragon Tamer.

  I gave my first order with a sense of joy and relief. “Clear the mine field” My voice sounding commanding.

  She looked at me for a moment then said “I don’t think that would work, we should probably just walk across the main path like you were doing Hero.” I stared at her and after a moment deflated. “But you have to do what I say!” I whined before catching myself.

  She raised an eyebrow. “Since when? You are my enemy... My friend… wait…” She trailed off and her eyes seemed to dim. I walked over to the plastic wall and I kicked it.

  One of the few abilities that didn’t bend me over sideways, was Mind Control having a full month long cool down made sense when it actually worked as advertised!

  Until now that is.. Did my skill get downgraded to friendship enforcer or something?

  She stood at attention suddenly and said “Captain Alissa at your Service!” She smiled at me and added “I am the youngest captain ever, and I don’t mean to brag..” Even as she said that I knew she was about to brag. “But I am the commander's favorite and am a prodigy in Dragon taming and combat arts!”

  I froze as her words hit me, and after a moment I facepalmed. She was a mini boss! I facepalmed. Mind control probably worked differently on mini-bosses. Then again, it didn't say it did. But it probably did..

  Captain Alissa Tardriss of the Bubble Squad

  Mini Boss (Literally mini!)

  Level: 13

  Health 986/1000

  Stamina: 1400/2000

  Skills: Blocked

  I considered just leaving her, especially because she hadn’t actually stopped talking. “Then I wrestled Drake Livington to the ground! He never knew I was so strong! The Duke awarded me with my own dragon hatchling!”

  “So,” I said quickly, cutting her off mid sentence. Something about her ability to impress her peers with her amazing.. skills? Definitely skills. “We should probably get going.”

  She nodded and tilted her head at me curiously “So, where are we going?”

  I grimaced and sighed. “We are off to kill your father, General Tardriss. Well, not necessarily. I got what I came for.” She looked up at me in confusion.

  “What did you come for? All you did was fight me?” She asked. I smiled and shook my head. You wouldn’t get it.