The captain had gone and got herself kidnapped. General Tardriss was beside himself in grief. He instantly ordered us to march on Peep Town. The moment we arrived, the hero used his sword to destroy our only tank! But that wasn’t the worst of it… He had done something to the captain. She spoke of a harem and being a wife to the hero. She had gone mad! I tried to talk her down but she just punched me and everything went black.

  I gently picked up the young woman and carried her to a nearby inn. I walked in and to the counter. The girl bounced up and down before a wide smile crossed her face. “Welcome to the Inn #4. One night is only three bits!”

  I smiled genially and activated my charm skill. “Sure we can’t go one night free. I lost all my bits fighting off the Tardriss Army, by myself. Did I mention I am the hero?”

  She just shook her head and repeated the same phrase as a notification popped up.

  

  “Charisma check failed.” I said. Alissa just shrugged. So I tried plan B. “The King requested me to stay the night here for testing purposes.”

  Her eyes went wide and she did a little bounce nod before giving me a key. “Thank you for staying at Inn #408!

  “Thank you!” I responded with a charming smile.

  

  I wasn’t even charming her!” I snapped at the screen.

  “You seemed pretty charming to me!” Alissa said, her cheeks flushed red. She glared at me even as her nose bled a little. “An innkeeper is not a useful asset! If you want sex we can do that in the room!”

  I considered trying to point out I wasn’t going for sex, realised it was pointless, and shook my head before turning and walking down the hallway.

  I reached the room with the same number on the key and pushed it against the door. A lock picking sound played and I was standing inside the room.

  Alissa appeared next to me a moment later and looked around excitedly. “This is exciting! I get to be With Hero!”

  “Hey, Alissa…” I started weakly. She turned to look at me. “You.. you do know I have a name right?”

  She looked at me with utter confusion. “Obviously! You're Hero!” She said seriously after a moment.

  “No, that is my title, not my name.” I tried for a second time.

  She looked genuinely perplexed and then frowned before asking. “You have two names?”

  My eye twitched and I knew it wasn’t worth it. I walked over and sat on the strangely comfortable bed.

  Alissa followed me over. She tossed her second in command onto the bed and began to tie her to the bed. “Why are you tying her to the bed?” I asked.

  “Oh? You want her to watch, not join in?” Alissa asked seriously. She stopped tying the girl's left wrist and turned to me. “I promise she enjoys it. She just pretends to complain and whine.”

  There was so much wrong with that sentence, so instead I just said. “Please tie her to the chair instead.” It was best not to argue with NPC’s.

  Alissa untied her, then began to undress her slowly. Alissa was clearly trying to show how attractive Amanda was. This became even more obvious when she specifically squeezed her breasts together and made a giggling noise.

  She looked up at me hopefully and I just ignored her. Alissa looked put out, but did as I asked and moved Amanda to the chair after stripping her. She tied her naked to the chair instead.

  I might have complained about the nudity. But in this place, if the girls were not naked or an enemy, then it was a trap.

  Alissa turned to me and shifted, her pants slid off of her like her wasit was made of smooth glass and she began undoing the buttons on her jacket. “I can’t wait for my first time Hero!” she said excitedly.

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  I stood without a word, and walked over to the door and tapped on it. I had places to be and I wasn’t in the mood. I made my way back down the hall and out into the Emerald Kingdom square.

  The pixelated fountain in the center of the plaza had both princesses as statues, both completely naked with water coming out of there… yea.

  I turned and walked towards the castle gates. The sooner I got this over with the better. The castle gate itself opened on its own as I got near and I walked through with ease.

  I was instantly tackled by a small blur. “There you are! You promised you would only be gone a short while! You were gone so long!” Princess Ruby cried.

  I pushed her off of me and stood up. Her long purple hair going down to her waist and a mischievous smirk that wouldn’t look out of place on a cat did nothing to hide the deep blue big anime eyes.

  If Alissa was made for boys wanting a combat dragon tamer girl. The princess was one hundred percent for girls playing house or princess. Having seen under her yellow dress, and lets say it like it is, plowed that field. She was every bit the princess in bed too.

  That was at least thirty iterations ago though, I hadn’t touched her like that in a long time.. I hadn’t touched anyone like that in a very long time.

  She was staring at my crotch. She wasn’t even trying to hide it either. I ignored her obvious stare. Instead I asked. “Do you know what age is?” You would think in over one hundred iterations I would have asked such a simple question.

  But honestly? I really didn’t want to think about it. Especially when I had seen every single woman in this place naked hundreds of times. Usually in very intimate ways, if not sexual.

  She flushed red instantly. “Wow Hero, I didn’t know you were into such.. things.” She turned away and waved at her face. I held back the urge to point out that she was literally staring at my crotch a minute ago.

  “Right!” I heard Alissa suddenly shout from directly behind me. I might have jolted if I could be surprised anymore. I turned just as she ran past me to the Princess. “Our fourth team member. This is going great!”

  Ignoring her, I asked what I should have asked. “Alissa, you mentioned being 24 before. Being the youngest captain or something.” I thought 24 was your age, but clearly not. Your manufacture by date is 10 years. So what is 24?”

  Alissa looked back at me like I was stupid. “Obviously, the youngest captain of the 24th division of the yellow army!”

  Princess Ruby gasped and fell backwards. I sighed as the royal guards, all in gold plated plastic armor and spears rushed up. I held up my hand and called out. “Wait, She is my party member.”

  “I have a super high position in the Tardriss army! I ain’t giving that up for anyone! Well..” She looked over at me and winked. “I could be persuaded, I especially like chains.”

  She stepped forward and added. “Make sure to hold me down so I can’t resist!” and removed her dress… again.

  I turned to Princess Ruby, pointedly ignoring Alissa’s advances. “Please call the guards off, she is my ally and I will be using her to fight my enemies.” I took care to avoid saying who I would be fighting. I did not need the situation escalating further.

  Suddenly, a soldier rushed up to Princess Ruby, who was still sitting on her ass on the ground, and began to speak loudly. “It is horrible Princess Ruby! A large group of Beastkin are outside the castle walls. They say they will only talk to Hero and his party!”

  I idly wondered why the Beastkin Cinematic was playing so soon, then shrugged. Instead I stood there waiting for the stupid cut scene to end.

  Princess Ruby just.. glitched into the standing position. It was so creepy to watch that. Luckily it mostly only happened during cinematics… mostly. Also, just because I hate you readers of this as much as I hate myself, I am going to describe what that looked like.

  A short five foot four feet Princess in a flowing yellow dress, with Purple eyes and purple hair. Suddenly, and with no warning whatsoever, went from sitting on the ground, to standing straight up with no visible movement in between.

  Just a reminder, these were realistic women. This wasn’t like a barbie doll or something. A real looking human woman did this.

  I would have puked, but I had seen it enough times that it didn't phase me anymore. I was super thankful she didn’t lose her dress this time at least.

  To be clear, no, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. She made that very clear the day I met her in front of her father the King.

  Mostly by stripping completely naked, then attempting to prove her loyalty to me by stabbing a maid to death.

  “Great Hero!” She said as if in a trance. I just sat and waited. “You are the only one who can save us… us…. us… “Her body twitched and glitched again, but this time her dress took on a pink texture then just.. vanished. Leaving her standing there naked as she continued. “From these horrid Beastkin!”

  I sighed.. Yea, there it was. Princess Ruby’s dress was gone. I looked over at Alissa. She stood stock still, her military outfit on the ground. Her eyes glassy as she stared into the void.

  I stood there for a moment, before I realized I had to respond. “Yea, Sure” The guards began to clap and cheer. One of them fell to his knees and weeped openly.

  Alissa suddenly twitched, her eyes became clear and she turned to me with glee and excitement. “Yes! Let us fight those Savages, Hero!” She then turned, ran like five feet, then stopped and stood stock still again.

  I simply watched her for a long moment before she started moving again.

  Good, that meant the cut scene was over. I turned back to Princess Ruby.

  Her dress had magically reappeared on her.. partially. The entire top half was still missing, but the bottom half was there, floating. How did that even work?

  Of course none of the guards responded to either woman being naked. I turned to leave. Alissa rushed up next to me and pulled out her bubble rifle. “Oh yea! Let’s get us some beasts!”

  I simply shrugged as I turned and made my way to the castle walls. Princess Ruby appeared on the other side of me. The invisible top of her dress flickered, became real, then changed to blue from pink.

  “Wait Hero! We must get Amanda the Strategist to help negotiate!” I turned to Alissa who looked at me pleadingly. “She will be an immense asset in this! Also, her breasts are really fun to play with while she talks!”

  “How.. why.. Nevermind.” I just sighed and shifted the target to the inn. I would grab this chick and get it over with.