INTERIOR- STILL the girl’s underground base, living area.

  PRESENT- THE BOY (sitting quietly on the sofa), THE GIRL (Angrily holding a mpshade up to her head and talking to it), THE VOICES COMING FROM THE LAMPSHADE (There are two of them. Both male-sounding. One sounds older and more masculine than the other.)

  NOT PRESENT – A kidnapping wizard.

  TIME- A while after midday.

  “Anyway, I’m not doing squat!” The girl confidently re-decred.

  “Whoever else could be with you?" Began the slightly higher-pitched voice. "It’s hard to believe you’d have a prisoner in your living room. Unless, are you-“

  “He doesn’t matter and also who cares.”

  The boy was unsurprised to learn that he did not matter.

  “It would be very unlike you to be shy about a prisoner… Come to think of it, he sounds about your age… Oh my..!” His voice had become significantly airier and more whimsical partway through that sentence.

  The girl thought she knew what he was thinking, and thought it was hirious. But she didn’t smirk or ugh. She’d already threw a tantrum and had a screaming fit, which was dangerously close to a thing. There was no way in heck she was going to ugh on top of that.

  The boy was confused.

  “There’s no way she’s doin’ that, perv.” The notably more masculine voice scolded.

  “But wouldn’t it be grand if she-“

  “Focus on the job, runt.” Ftly stated Joke Ruiner McGee.

  Hm. Seems a little harsh.

  “I’m still not doin’ it!” The girl decres.

  “C’mon, P-“ The more masculine voice was interrupted.

  “Ep!” The girl made a sudden noise to cut him off.

  “Wh-“

  “Epep!”

  “”

  “EPEP! Don’t finish that thought! My name’s Hat now!”

  “… Hat?’ Like the head thing-“

  “Yes, like the head thing! Refer to me as anything else and it’ll be the st thing you ever say!”

  “Eh… Okay.” The more masculine voice on the other end hesitated uneasily. “L-Listen, Hat, the job ain’t gonna take long. We just need you to-“

  “Nnnoooooway!

  “Hat, you owe us-“

  “INCORRECT!”

  “Haaah?” Both voices on the other end cried out in unison.

  “Iiii just told you my name!” The girl’s eyes were manic and angry, though her grin was joyous and mischievous. “That’s a thing! Which means you’ve utterly RUINED my rest day! Actually, now YOU owe ME!”

  “Come on, that’s-“

  “AND I WILL BE COLLECTING ON THIS DEBT AT ONCE!” She boldly decres, mad-happily, breaking her no-shouting bit once more.

  “H-“

  “Buy me food and bring it to me! That’ll cancel out my thing-doing!”

  Pause hangs in the air.

  “… We dunno where you live, though. Nobody does.” Came the more masculine voice. “Anyone who goes there is either dead, in a coma, or you.”

  “That’s why you gave us this line.” Came the other.

  “…For once, a REASONABLE POINT.” The girl begins to furiously rub her chin. “Hmmm… What t- AHA!”

  “Huh?” Both voices.

  “MY PARTNER’LL DO IT!” The boy perked up at her words. Which is to say, his eyebrows raised for a second. “Ah! Now I just told you about my partner! That’s TWO things! Ooooh, you super-owe me now.”

  “PARTNER!?” Both voices cried out in high-pitched, disbelieving unison.

  “W-W-Wait, when you say ‘partner,’ wha-“

  “Don’t make a big deal out of it, or it’ll become even more of a thing!”

  “-“

  “I’m gonna finish before you say something stupid! Here’s how it’s gonna go down! I’m gonna send my partner to town- Probably the one you losers are already in- THEN, you’re gonna pick him up. LITERALLY! He’s also not doing anything today. EVEN WALKING! Except for the necessary walking it’ll take to get there. And back. That’s permissible. But you’ll carry him for the rest of it! THEN! He’s gonna order food for the two of us, and YOU’RE gonna pay for it!”

  “. . .”

  “ANY QUESTIONS?”

  “. . . If we do this for you, will you come with us on the mission?”

  “Yes!”

  “Ugh… Fine, we’ll-“

  “But it’ll be tomorrow!” She raised a pointer finger. “When it isn’t a rest day!”

  “. . . Alright, fine…” The more masculine voice conceded.

  “But-“ Sayeth the less-manly one.

  “Don’t. It’ll probably be fine.”

  “Bmmmbmeh”

  “Mmehemhph”

  The voices became distant and impossible to parse. The boy was confused.

  But you don’t have to be. The other guys were just facing away from the thing they were talking into. That’s it. Now, back to the hole.

  “Mmpnhfine…” The less masculine mumbling seemed perturbed.

  The masculine-er voice leaned back towards the thing. “Y-Yeah, we’ll pick him up. We’re in Ruttford so just send ‘im-“

  “I know you’re in Ruttford! You’re always in Ruttford!”

  “Right. We’re in-“

  “Terrible Henry’s, I know!”

  “Yep, yep… So, uh, where should we take-“

  “He’ll figure it out!” She decred, this one especially confident. “He’s my partner! We’re bound by fate! Obviously he’ll know what I wanna eat!”

  “i will do my best.” The boy decreed.

  “…Aaaaalright…” The voice on the other end knew she wasn’t gonna expin it, so he didn’t ask. “Send ‘im over, I guess. Make him wear one of your weird hats or somethin’...”

  “My hats are not weird! They’re awesome! Awesome enough that they’re my namesake now!”

  “Aye aye…” He dismissed, a sense of defeat still permeating his words.

  He got the feeling the girl was going to want some snarky st word, so he hung up then and there. The mp let out a dull, persistent ring.

  The girl’s mouth hung open. She remains visibly and mildly peeved that she didn’t get to input that snarky st word she was totally about to say.