I press the close-door button, and the large, rusty doors screech as they move, but eventually, they shut. Now the bunker is truly secure. We can finally start turning this place into a real base. But before that, I turn to Monty.

  "Did you also claim this place, or can only one person do that?"

  Monty just stands there, his eyes unfocusing. A moment later, I receive a message from the system:

  I click Yes, and Monty smiles. "Well, I guess I do now."

  As we head back downstairs, Monty tries to use the computer, but when he attempts to click on the rooms to initiate an upgrade, a message pops up:

  Monty frowns at the screen. "Well, that sucks. Can I be a co-owner or something?"

  I shrug. "I'd make you one if I knew how. Just tell me what you wanted to upgrade."

  Monty sighs, stepping back. "Nothing specific—I just wanted to see the options."

  I take the mouse and click on the Generator Room.

  Generator Room

  

  
• Upgrade


  
• Repair


  

  I click Upgrade, and a single option appears:

  Upgrade to Utility Room

  Required:

  

  
• Cloth


  
• Aluminum


  
• Copper


  
• Water filter


  
• Air filter


  
• Pipes


  

  I scan the list. We already have most of these thanks to the recycler. The only things we need are any type of air and water filters. I start rummaging through the trashed kitchen, searching for a water filter. As I sift through the mess, I start shoveling the garbage into two trash cans, which Monty takes to empty. After a while, I find what I’m looking for—a water pitcher with a built-in filter. The plastic pitcher itself is broken, probably stepped on by a goblin. The filter has some writing on it, but it’s in German. Still, I figure it should be good enough.

  While cleaning the kitchen, we find a few other miscellaneous items: a Stanley mixer, a broken microwave, a large job-site vacuum, a box full of fidget spinners, an old tube TV, a box of MREs (only three missing—guess even goblins don’t like them), and a tuba. I leave these items in the kitchen and take the filter to the generator room.

  As I exit, Monty is waiting for me. He smirks. "It’s time."

  He holds out his fist and closes his eyes. I sigh, mirroring the gesture. We play Rock, Paper, Scissors.

  I open my eyes. Rock. Monty has paper.

  "Ha, fuck! Best two out of three!" I shout.

  Monty grins. "Nope. You lost. You do it. I’m not touching it."

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  Grumbling, I make my way to the generator room. The dead goblin leader has been rotting for less than five hours, but he already reeks and is covered in god knows what. I grab his shotgun and toss it onto the couch he used to sit on. I’ll clean the shotgun later, but the couch? Straight into the recycler. It’s a shame—it was a nice antique once.

  I don’t even bother looting him. I don’t want to. I throw all his belongings into the recycler before dragging his corpse up the stairs toward the bunker doors. One by one, I haul the bodies of the goblins we killed on the stairs, stacking them next to their boss. When I’m finally done, there’s a pile of 37 goblins outside the bunker and a strong desire to take a long shower.

  I return to the Guard Room and open the bunker doors. I drag the corpses into the Dungeon Corridor, making sure they’re completely out of the bunker. With any luck, the next dungeon shift will erase them.

  Once I’m back inside, I close the bunker doors again and head downstairs. Monty is still cleaning the atrium, but I call out to him, "Wouldn’t it be better to clean the second floor first? We can just throw the trash over the railing and pick it up with the atrium trash."

  Monty nods. "Yeah, that might be better. I don’t want to clean this place just to mess it up again by knocking something over up there. But I think it’s best if you start cleaning up there while I handle down here. Just try not to throw trash on me."

  I chuckle at the thought but won’t do it… on purpose.

  I head upstairs and begin shoveling trash from the catwalk over the railing while Monty shovels it into a trash can, dumping it into the recycler. Along the way, I find several useful items in the trash heap: some 2x4s and plywood, an old acetylene torch, a few working light bulbs, and an old camera.

  With the catwalk clear, I move on to the bedrooms. The first one is barely messy—just a few cans on the floor. I clean it up in minutes. The next three rooms, however, are absolute disasters. Piles of trash from floor to ceiling. It takes me two hours to clear them. The beds are too filthy to salvage, so I toss them into the atrium for recycling.

  Inside the rooms, I find some useful things: a decent speaker, a few bags of soil, and a pipe wrench. The soil bags stand out—each one weighs 50 pounds, and there are 13 of them. Were they planning to start a farm down here?

  I put the bags on the catwalk and move on to the last two rooms. The second-to-last is dirty but nothing too bad—just some spilled bottles. The last one, though, is basically untouched, everything covered in a thick layer of dust. I wipe it down quickly and move on.

  Shower rooms. The male shower is trashed—garbage covering the floor, some of the showerheads bent or broken. Most of the privacy stalls remain intact, though. I grab a trash can and start clearing it out.

  As I finish, I spot Monty using some tools to dismantle the disgusting couch.

  Moving on to the female shower room, I find it even worse than the male one. The privacy stalls have been ripped out, every shower destroyed, and someone even took a hammer to the wall tiles. I try to salvage whatever I can, but I only find enough undamaged material to fix about three showers. Then I realize… there’s no reason to fix them.

  I call out over the catwalk railing. "Yo, Monty, should i fix the female shower room?"

  Monty disappears into the recycler room and returns a few moments later. He walks upstairs and peeks into the female shower room before shaking his head. "It’s not worth fixing, even if there were women here. Better just keep it for spare parts."

  I nod, and together, we move on to the officers' quarters. The first room is full of empty bottles, cans, and broken items. The next two are mostly untouched, covered in dust. The last one, however, is the worst room we’ve seen yet.

  The stench hits us as soon as we open the door—nauseating, overwhelming. We have no choice but to clean it. Two hours of suffering later, we find the source: a dead goblin buried under a pile of trash. Thankfully, it died on the bed, and most of its decaying body was caught by the garbage beneath it.

  Monty holds a trash bag open while I scoop the remains inside, along with a stash of old magazines from under the bed. I tie the bag shut and hurry to throw it outside.

  As I step out of the bunker, I freeze. A group of monsters I haven’t seen before—mossy green, wolf-like creatures—are gorging themselves on the goblin corpses. They see me but only growl as I chuck the trash bag in the opposite direction. Then I rush back inside and seal the doors.

  Back inside, Monty is finishing the last of the trash. With the room finally clear, the stench has faded—only a lingering foulness remains.

  Now, the only room left to clean is the Commander’s Quarters.