In the interests of Serru getting some time alone, she had one of the two bedrooms to herself overnight; there was some discussion about who was getting the other one, and it somehow ended up being both Terenei and Aryennos, the tter assuring Serru that he wouldn’t find being instinctively cuddled by a mostly-asleep Terenei upsetting.

  I had immediately quashed any suggestion that I should take it, alone or otherwise. Someone on the other couch, fine, just as long as I was the one closest to the outside door, between them and any threat.

  It had been, no joke, one of the best evenings of my life.

  The food was exquisite, and so were the drinks, which didn’t actually involve alcohol but could be quite complex and sometimes had traces of Refresh or Soce added, short-lived and just enough to feel. We ate on the upper level, where we could hear the music but it was still possible to talk; looking over the railing along the edge gave us a view below us of the stage and the dance floor surrounding it. Something was enhancing the volume, but I figured around here, that could be anything, including an intrinsic characteristic of the stage itself. I didn’t care enough to ask.

  The music was unfamiliar to me, but there was a drum rhythm that didn’t feel at all alien, and overall the band would probably have been a hit back at home in an era or environment looking for high-energy novelty. One of the musicians even had a guitar. Dancing turned out to be rgely anarchic: while there were songs that were associated with some specific sets of moves, for the most part it was just a matter of moving in any way that felt good—with, inevitably, consideration for those around you.

  And in the mood I was in, it was easier than I expected to just get caught up in the flow with my friends and forget any thought of anyone watching or judging.

  Unfortunately, it had been an exhausting day that started early, and adrenaline could only keep me going for a limited time. I didn’t even get a chance to admit that I was starting to fg, not with three alert friends who all caught on and insisted we call it a night. I didn’t want it to end, but there was no way I could keep going, so I surrendered.

  The folded-out futon-like things in the main room were actually quite comfortable.

  I hoped I wouldn’t find my way home and then persuade myself that all of this had been a hallucination.

  Or was it?

  My original premise had been that either this was bizarre but real, and I would have to actively try to get home, or it was all in my own head one way or another, in which case I would have to trust that someone would arrange effective medical care because there was absolutely nothing I could do. I couldn’t even distinguish beyond all doubt between those two alternative expnations. Could I be inventing all this?

  There was nothing dreamlike about it. Sometimes the rules were strange, but they were consistent and concrete. Text didn’t change when I read it twice, I never found myself suddenly in a new environment other than waking up here originally, people didn’t become other people... none of the usual slippery reality that existed in dream states. Things had reasons and expnations and logic within their own frame of reference. Time moved at a consistent pace, in which I could count back through days I’d been here, no skips.

  All in all, reality was looking like the better fit of the two, no matter how much that stretched belief.

  I really wanted to remember this. Although it was going to be sad, never seeing these friends again. They were disrupting their own lives, and taking a real risk, to help me with my best shot at getting home, and while I was willing to try, I honestly wasn’t sure I’d get far alone even after a couple of weeks of adapting and learning.

  I dozed off hearing music in my mind, feeling the beat, and seeing the colour-changing lights attached to the walls behind and beside the stage, bounced via clever positioning of small gently-rocking mirrors to wash over the band and the dance floor.

  I woke with my heart pounding, struggling to catch my breath, and my throat felt dry; red and white and blue lights still spun somewhere in my mind’s eye, no other colours in the night, blurred by heavy rain that caught and refracted it into a disorienting kaleidoscope, and instead of music there was only screaming and crying...

  And I wasn’t alone.

  All three friends were there, Serru with her arm around my shoulders, so I must have sat up at some point, and Aryennos on my other side, and Terenei was at an angle across from me, not quite on my feet. Someone had draped my weighted bnket around my shoulders.

  “That must have been a very bad dream,” Serru said. I only halfway noticed that she pressed my weighted plushy cat toy into my arms; I had no idea why I hugged it automatically. I didn’t really care right then why the cat and the bnket actually felt sort of weirdly and unexpectedly reassuring. I mean, why shouldn’t they? And so what if it would get me sideways looks at home from coworkers? They didn’t have that nightmare. And they were worlds away, literally.

  “Even worse than the one st night,” Aryennos said.

  Serru shot him a look, then her gaze came back to me. “Last night? Nathan, is this happening often?”

  “Most nights,” I said, and coughed. It felt like I’d been not only panting but pushing my voice. “Most nights since I got here. Maybe every night, I don’t know. Waking me worse recently.”

  “Always the same thing?”

  “Mostly. Once in a while it’s just that I can’t find a way home, but those ones aren’t... they’re bad but not like this one, and it’s always the same dream. No details. Or maybe... just limited details, really. No idea what the whole scene is.” I leaned against her, too tired to try to pretend I didn’t need it right now. “I can’t tell whether I’m trying to keep from seeing what’s going on or trying to see the whole thing. But I always wake up feeling scared and with this sort of... of sick feeling of things being horribly wrong.”

  “Constant broken sleep isn’t healthy,” Terenei said. “You have Lulbye with your medical things.”

  “I think... I think I’m scared of having a nightmare and not being able to wake up.” I coughed again.

  “They don’t work like that. Lulbye will reduce the chance of bad dreams but will not interfere with waking up if there’s an acute reason to do so.”

  “I’m going to make you some tea,” Serru said. “Lean the other way, against Aryennos, so I can get up. One of the teas you were given in Coppersands is very soothing and won’t keep you awake. You sound terrible. And I think after that, you should listen to Terenei. You need to sleep.”

  I shifted my weight to the other side, one hand still knotted in my plushy cat’s soft body, and Aryennos helpfully wrapped an arm around me to steady me there. That made it possible for Serru to get up, briefly search the yellow-and-blue backpack of supplies, and head for the small kitchen area with the tin box she wanted.

  “I can’t keep taking sleeping potions every night,” I said. “From what I understand, they won’t even work if I did that.”

  “Correct,” Terenei said. “But it isn’t that simple. Sometimes, someone who has been through something very difficult has trouble sleeping, and it happens often enough that there are solutions. A potion is considered a single dose and they lose potency rapidly after they’re opened, but some need a lower potency that will work over a longer period. If I had known back in Coppersands I could have asked my grandfather to do something right then, but I know he has colleagues he stays in contact with and one is in Ottermarsh.”

  “Knowing back in Coppersands,” Serru said, her back to us as she did tea stuff, “would also have saved you further disrupted nights and their accumuted consequences. Please consider that the next time you weigh whether to tell us something. However, that’s past. Right now, you need a good restful unbroken sleep.”

  That scolding was gentle and tactful, but probably completely justified.

  “Would it help to tell us what these dreams are?” Aryennos asked quietly.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know how. It’s night, it’s raining heavily and that blurs everything. Emergency services, the people who respond to people being in danger, our police which are... uh, not really that much like wardens, since mostly their job is to enforce ws but they do some public safety stuff, and paramedics like me, and people who deal with buildings that are on fire and emergency rescue and things like that, have lights that we use on vehicles, red and white and blue and they spin so they fsh to make sure everyone can see them. I see a lot of lights, so it would have to be a very bad situation with a huge emergency response, maybe everyone from our area, maybe even calling in neighbours for help if it’s big enough.” I kind of wanted to bury my face in the plushy cat, but if I did that, I couldn’t talk, so I made myself not do that. “I hear screaming, more than one voice, and crying, I think there are multiple people crying but one’s very close to me and much clearer. So probably a lot of people frightened or hurt or both. I don’t know... I might just be imagining it. I’ve had some difficult moments on the job but I can’t remember anything that matches it. I want to know what’s going on, really badly, but there’s always this feeling of... of dread at the same time, like... if I find out, then something terrible will happen. But I still want to know.”

  “It might be just as well if we can make these dreams stop. Maybe it will make it easier not to think about them. I understand wanting to get answers at any cost, but we don’t know what this cost could be. They don’t seem to be noticeably and suddenly different after Quincunx sites, do they?”

  “I hadn’t really thought about it. I don’t think so. There isn’t much more to them now than there ever was. I think it’s just getting harder to deal with them. Maybe I’m picking up occasional extra details over time, but that’s about all. And they started before the first site.”

  “So they’re not reted to that,” Terenei said. “It seems pusible that simply finding yourself an infinite distance from your family and everything you know could lead to some issues like bad dreams, just from sheer stress, and your mind might substitute a situation more familiar to you as a stressful and difficult one instead of the situation you’re in, which is stressful in part because many things are not familiar. We’ll make sure you have a way to sleep properly from now on, which will probably make a lot feel easier to face while you’re awake, and with any luck that will break the entire cycle, or at least keep it manageable, long enough for us to get you home.”

  “I have no idea what I’m going to tell anyone about where I’ve been,” I said with a sigh. “I can’t tell the truth, other than maybe my immediate family and Grace. My sort-of-girlfriend. No one’s going to believe it and I might put my job at risk by trying. I’ll think of something, I suppose. If I even get home at all.”

  “If the Quincunx fails, we’ll keep looking,” Terenei said firmly. “There are specialists in theories who would be thrilled to have the chance to help sort this whole thing out if the obvious solution fails. We’ll find a way. For now, since your family isn’t avaible, we’ll have to do our best to fill that space for you ourselves.”

  Serru handed me a mug and slipped Terenei’s backpack down her arm from her shoulder to pass it to him. “There’s a small spsh of cold water in it so it should be a comfortable temperature to drink. It’s a very soothing mixture that you liked when you tried it, so it should help your throat and perhaps be calming.”

  Terenei rummaged around in his bag. The interior of that, I thought, must be a wild mixture of art supplies, non-magical clothing, everyday odds-and-ends, and medical supplies from his grandfather. Obediently, I took a sip of the tea, which was still hot enough to be pleasant but cool enough to drink. My throat was grateful, so I took a rger swallow.

  “There.” Terenei produced a potion bottle. I recognized the deep grape-like purple without even seeing the symbol on the cork—a key ingredient was bck berries, which by themselves would, Serru said, make you practically comatose for a while. “After your tea, drink that, and at least tomorrow you can wake up feeling rested.”

  “I can suggest one other thing to help with rexing,” Aryennos said, with more than a hint of shyness creeping into his voice. “I, um, was in a retionship with a felid for a while. Well, I’ve been in multiple retionships with felids, really, but I’m thinking of one in particur who taught me how to help her rex. Sort of the felid version of a back massage. It doesn’t work on anyone except felids, though. If you switched to your felid form, I could use that.”

  “That could be useful,” Terenei said. “Lulbye’s effects are gradual. If you’re feeling rexed and safe during that time, it’s only going to help it work better.”

  I started to reply, not even sure what I was going to say but it was almost certainly to decline, then I stopped myself. Why say no? Aryennos wouldn’t be offering unless he meant it, and it would be harmless.

  And I was so tired, and even though my heart was back to a normal pace and I was no longer panting, my nerves still felt frayed.

  Instead of trying to figure out words, I just set the plushy cat in my p, gestured to bring up the interface, and spun the dial to felid.

  The mug suddenly felt rger in my other hand.

  At least the tea still tasted good, although maybe not quite as good, to my felid senses. It was almost gone anyway.

  Serru gave me a brief hug, and got up. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

  Terenei leaned forward to echo the hug. “No more bad dreams.”

  Both left—both in the direction of Serru’s chosen room, I noticed vaguely, but it didn’t actually matter.

  I finished the tea in three more gulps, and Aryennos moved the cup to one of the tables.

  Lulbye did taste something like Concord grape juice, but with just a hint of something nutty under it.

  And my plushy cat could still be hugged while lying face-down. It made a pillow of sorts, in fact.

  Felids, I discovered, responded really well to touch. His gentle kneading and rubbing and stroking of my entire back and down my sides turned my whole body into purring jelly.

  Which was how I fell asleep this time.